Rock bottom

What is that, anyway?  I know I’ve heard that is different for people.  I wonder, does a person have to hit “rock bottom” before they quit drinking?  It is a legitimate question for me.

There are some times when I thought I hit it.  I would stop drinking for a few days, maybe a week.  But, I forgot the incident that made me feel like I’d hit “rock bottom” and I would pick drinking back up.

The worse for me, I think, was when I was seriously about to lose my job.  No, I was  not drinking there.  But drinking after my shifts was affecting my performance and you cannot have that when you are a nurse.

Now, as it stands, when I go back to work, I have to do day shift for a few weeks to a month.  I went to day shift one day before my sickness and started my med pass and had to leave because of my extreme pain in my legs.  I couldn’t barely walk out of the building to get to my car.   I had to hold on to the railing to make it there.  That should have been my “rock bottom”

And then, the doctors visits.  That one horrible day in the hospital.  Then, my legs and hands worsening, leaving me to only be able to walk with a Walker.  Ever try to walk with a Walker when being sloshed?  Good times, not.  Then, having to alert others in your home before you shower because there is a good chance that you might fall in there, despite using a shower chair.  So many “rock bottom” moments.  I don’t know why, I really do not, but, somehow the drink always became more important to me.

When I was in my psych classes we learned that 21 days make a habit.  Meaning if you get up and drink a cup of coffee for 21 days in a row, chances are you will continue with that habit.

It is kind of weird that after five years, this is one of the things that stuck with me.  I often think about that.  On the flip side of the coin, if you are trying to forgo something, try to get rid of it for at least 21 days and that, too, will become a habit.

Is this true?  I do not know.  I never thought I would surpass 21 days without rum.  I no longer need that Walker or shower chair.  The Walker is gone.  Back in its home for others to use.  I had rented it from a medical supply place.  The shower chair was bought from Amazon so it is still in my shower.  I do not use it and they still make me let them know before I get in the shower.   I haven’t fallen recently.   It has been a while.

I am so ready to go back to work.   I had been worried about it because when I go back, I still have to be on day shift.   After 11 years of working night shift, it almost was seeming impossible to me.  Now, my attitude is “Bring it!”  Seriously.   It is what I have to do to get my night shift Friday-Saturday-Sunday back.  Even having to get up at 3:30 in the morning for work, I’m gonna go get ’em.

Thank you, Dad, for instilling this attitude in me.  And Thank you, God for instilling your peace that passes understanding in me.

21 days.  21 days.  21 days.  I MADE IT!  I sure did.  I am even past it.  Now, every day, from here on, just seems like a gift to me.