Nice dinner

I made chicken enchiladas for dinner tonight.   They always seem to go over well.  I don’t know if my partner ate any but he went to eat after the Costco run so he probably wasn’t hungry.

I noticed when he and his friend came home that his friend was kind of dressed up in nice shorts and a nice sort of dress shirt.  Something I’d never seen him wearing before.   It made me wonder what they did in town.   Rather, what did his friend do.  Hm.  Inquiring minds.   I know the two of them bought a piece of land together here in town.  And when I questioned my partner about it he said he went in on it so he could grow plants on it.  The thing is, I found out about the purchase quite accidentally.   The partner just said it in conversation. And then acted like he just messed up.  Then he had to tell me about it.  This was two years ago and they’ve been supposed to be clearing the land and whatnot.   All they’ve done is had it surveyed.

Eventually, I’m certain my partner is just going to drive off like the husband did.  After that happens…no more men.  There was another big fight just the other day between his friend and me.  My partner was not here.  His friend went off on me, my partner’s cat had gotten out, the friend was screaming at me and throwing blame so yeah, I defended myself.  I had not been out the door that was left open.  He was the only person that had been out that door.  My mom and niece both heard the argument, heard him throwing blame, and all I said was oh no, the cat is out?  And that’s when he started yelling yeah if that door wasnt left open. He blamed my niece and me and neither of us had went out that door.

The partner comes home and right in front of the friend I told him that I didn’t leave the door open and the partner started yelling at me.  Not throwing blame, but yelling because i was yelling and he had just gotten home.  His friend said to me “look, all you want to do is play blaming games and i just want to find the cat.”

Oh my goodness did i ever go off on him.  He was the one yelling blame before my partner came home.  We stood there yelling at each other and the partner took off to his room and then came screaming at us to stop yelling.  And of course, the big P took off outside and I got into, I think, the worse argument by far that I have had with my partner.   So much so that I had to go outside and sit there and the partner came running out there and I just kept screaming f you every time he came out there.  Finally he asked me what does that mean to me?  He rarely hears me using that word.  I got up and yelled f you, that’s what it means.

I went to my room and text my niece.  I wanted to take off on my own but these people in my house are strongly discouraging this.  So I text my niece and told her I just want to make a pissed off playlist, shower, then drive.  She said no problem.

I showered, made the list, and we drove.  For two hours until I finally calmed down.

Came home, started to my bathroom to pee and my partner followed me to my room.   I told him I needed to use the restroom, shut the door, and could tell he was standing out there waiting.  I told him I couldn’t go with him there.  He came back after and we just held on to each other.  For a while.   Just standing there.  After a while I was like….um ok, we can let go now.

We both promised that we would talk this over later and we haven’t.  That was Monday June 14th.

Maybe I am still holding on to that crap.