Alert and oriented x 3

Yep.  That’s me.  Very alert this morning for some reason.   That could be the coffee talking.

Last night, something happened.  My partner and the ass that lives here decided they were going to a buddy’s house to play cards.  They get together somewhat often to play this Magic the Gathering game.  I have no clue.  Don’t know how to play but I know my partner has several totes and boxes of these cards.  I know he has dropped some money for them.  I do not care at all when he goes to these games.  I say it is essential to have friendships like this.  We even host the games here.   And when we do, I just think NERDS!

I know that when they play there will be a bit of drink going on.  They bring their own.  Last night, I was desperately searching for a lid to my small hydro flask I have because with my commute to work in the wee hours in the morning  I am going to want coffee.

I found my 18 ounce flask but the lid is MIA.  While searching for my lid, I found a bottle of rum in the cabinet.   Not mine, nope.  I just left it.  I know it was from one of those card nights with the guys.  And I know it was not my partner’s because he does not drink.  Probably just left behind and my partner stuck it up there where he thought I couldn’t find it to drink it.

I mean, it’s amazing some of the things you find while looking for something different.  I have to admit.  The bottle only had about 3 or 4 shots in it.  So stupid that I would even know that.   When I was drinking, I made my drinks, one drink, with a full pint.  Good lord, I am so letting that sink into my brain right now.

So, I really didn’t think of the rum lurking in the cabinet.  I ate some dinner, kielbasa sausage with stir fried veggies.  I helped my niece do the dishes.  We sat on the lanai and listened to music for a while.  Mom came over and we visited a bit.  By the time my niece and I went to our own rooms it was pretty late.

I just turned on my kindle and Netflix.  And it creeped in my mind…I could get a tiny buzz off that rum.  And that’s all it would be.  Minuscule.   So, why was I thinking about it?  Because I knew it was there.  I only thought just a few short minutes before I did what I had to do.

I went over to my niece’s door and knocked.  I asked her to come help me in the kitchen.  We went in there, I took the bottle out of its hidey spot, opened it up, and my niece watched me waste it down the kitchen sink.  I did this for two reasons.  Well, 3, actually.

I have surpassed my 21 days.  Why start again?  I want, need, have to go back to work.  I feared that stupid bottle.

I was not taking that empty bottle to hide.  I threw it right in the rubbish and I knew the partner would see it in there.

I am working on regaining everyone’s trust around here.  I knew that had I just done that myself, no one here would believe me that i didn’t drink it.  And I say this without bitterness because I really don’t blame them.  I have apologized to each of them for things that I have done.  Except for the ass that lives here.  All of this, the no trust, the not letting me leave alone, making me leave my bedroom door open, all of it.  It is my fault.   I did this and I am working daily to try and un-do this.

I just think it is damn stupid that I had to waste that shit because I thought I would be so weak that I might have just chugged the rest of it.  I had ample opportunity, the partner was gone.  My niece and mom were in their rooms for the night.

21 days are gone.  And, still.  I just want to scream.  I’m gonna beat this damn shit.

Today, at some point, I will tell my partner about it.  I know he has already seen the bottle in the rubbish because of the way he is acting towards me.  They didn’t get home till after midnight, so I was out.

I’m just gonna make a second pot of coffee.  I didn’t drink the first one alone.  The ass that lives here also drinks coffee.

I will fess up to my partner about how we wasted one of his friends’ booze.  *sigh* I think I need to do it in front of my niece.

Onto good things.  Another pot of coffee and my mom and I will start cooking soon.  We decided to have Thanksgiving in June today.  Turkey, stuffing, sweet tators, the whole nine.Truthfully, we are shutting down one of our deep freezers to try to cut back on electricity.   Geeze, the bill is going up.  So, Turkey it is.