the last two years

wow, were does the time go, i just dont know.  the last two years have been very hard.  but i think its finally over?  i pray its finally over.  so lets see, in the spring? i think, rae and kal came back here to live.  she ended up getting pregnant by a guy that i guess was just using her, he had a gf etc etc, and really pushed rae to get an abortion.  it was a terrible time.  im not sure if she ever talks to him now, i think he is out of the pic, but not really sure about all that.  so in the next few weeks my 7th gchild will be here.  about two weeks ago, she moved back with her dad.  not sure why, maybe because of all the stress me and dew have been going through is probably why though.  things have been bad around here between me and dew for a while now and i think she got stuck in the middle several times.  she has been having some problems physically too, the docs think she may have a hernia and if so then they will be scheduling her a c-section in the next few weeks.  im waiting to hear from her on whats going on with all of that. 

lets see, with nadia, last november dew lost his brother jerry to alcoholism, there was some kind of misunderstanding between rae and her, and somehow, i got caught in the middle of it.  we didnt talk or anything, but she thought, well i really still dont know wht went wrong there, my hands were full with dealing with dew and the funeral etc etc.  all i know is when we got home from the funeral she had left me an email saying that she was done with us, and basically disowned me and rae.  so about two months ago, i hear from her.  she writes me an email telling me she is pregnant, that she really didnt want a relationship but thought i should know she was pregnant.  back i guess in may her dad had kicked her out again, because she was dating, so she had moved out and was living in this guys parents barn with him.  i know it sounds nuts but im just telling what she had told me. 

when this guys parents found out she was pregnant, they really got mad at her and made things really bad living there on there property.  soooooooo, they move into a friend of hers, that lasted about a month, then the friend got mad at her for i dont even know what and told them to get out.  they stayed here for the weekend, dew was in ky that weekend. well when they went to the friends house to get there stuff that they needed for work etc, the friend wasnt there, said they could come and get there stuff, when they got there the girl wasnt there and had the doors locked,so they went in through the window that was always unlocked so they could get in if they needed too.  they got there stuff then the next day the friend called the cops and reported them for breaking and entering.  they both ended up being arrested, handcuffed, finger printed and put in jail.  court action is pending on that.  the lawyer said that they probably wont get into any trouble, and that after the breaking and entering was done with they were going to sue that girl for maliscious prosecution. it will be interesting to see how all that works out.  right now they both are living with another friend of hers, are working and trying real hard to get there own place. they both are hard workers so im sure soon they will get back on there feet again.  her baby is due around february i think she said. 

with me a dew, the trucking thing bout ruined us.  another long story, but the worst part was not getting paid for any of the loads we hauled. the guy that dew was working for burned us bad, and dew being the passive kind of guy that he is refused to do anything to get the money, and he wouldnt let me do anything either.  i would have sued or somthing.  well, that really hurt our relationship.  i lost alot of respect for him and guess started making alot of comments that he didnt like.  he stopped paying the bills on time and maxed out all our credit cards on who knows what. back in jan we had a huge falling out and got to the point where we wouldnt speak or even be in the same room together.  a few months ago, i left, took the car and left.  well, the car broke down on me, haha.  and i didnt want to get anyone involved in having to come and get me, so i ended up staying in the car all night.  by morning i was real mad and thought to heck with this im going back home.  i took the bills over, which didnt go over very well, but i didnt care.  we were going to loose eveything if somthing wasnt done.  well seeing how far we were in debt really shook me to me core, and right after nadia had got back in touch with me, i really just lost it, just about had a meltdown over it.  i was sooooooo mad at dewey for getting us here. 

well somewhere in all of that,i think after my meldown which i think is what broke raes back with stress and probably why she moved out is when i realized that i had a part in all of this and needed to change some of my ways, and realized how much into fear i had fallen. i started to slowly draw closer to god again.  it had been a few years since i really spent quality time with god.  i thought and talked to him everyday, but it was getting less and less i guess.  so i began watching christian tv, listening to my christian music, and trying to pay more attention to hearing god.  i stopped making snide remarks to dew all the time, thats what rae said he complained about the most. i started to hear god saying that its not my place to change him or expect more from him, that it was my job to accept and love him the way i wanted him to be able to do with me.  so im working on when i usually would say, no your doing that wrong, that i try to find some positive comments, supportive comments to reply back with.  and boy it aint very easy, but so far ive only slipped back into nastiness a couple times, though i caught it and stopped as soon as i saw what i was doing again. 

right after my mini meltdown i gave it all to god, decided to trust him or at least act like i was trusting him.  our finances are starting to turn around now too.  three weeks ago, god sent us our solution.  a friend of dews came to him and told him about a part time job he was doing that he thought dew might be interested in.  it was being a courier, going around picking up bank bags and taking them to the mail center.  well, he now has a route and i have a route. its like gravy work, except for the heavy city traffic and stupid drivers.  we are making an extra nine hundred a month.  mine takes me less than 2 hours an evening.  im also going to try to get a day route and a satu

rday route.  dew may pick up a sat route as well. 

then yesterday, gosh god is good, we was able to trade that truck whose payment was breaking our backs for the last two years in on a new lil gas saving car.  we only had one car i could drive, and it is having lots of problems, its the car that keeps breaking down on me and stranding me here and yon which made it so i wouldnt go out unless i had too. everyday going out on the route was so stressful, one night i almost didnt make it through the route.  we had tried to trade the truck before, but everyone wanted money to boot on top of not wanting to give us enough on it for us to pay it off. then our finances are really in the pits right now too.  so we came home feeling defeated. 

i felt fear just pressing in upon me but i refused to give in, and concentrated on trusting god no matter what.  not an easy thing to do somtimes.  well, friday when dew was running his route he saw a car place that had a good offer on trade ins.  so he took our car in to trade.  well lo and behold, the sales manager knew dew and just last week had come over to look at the truck, dew had a for sale sign in it.  this guys grandmother has lived across from us for over thirty years, and she just loves dew to bits.  dew has helped her, get this, several times down through the years to get a car when she needed one.  dew used to always have little old cars, he would buy them cheap, fix them up and re sell them to make some extra cash.  and several times he would find out she needed a car, and would sell her one and not take any profit. though i doubt she knew that. 

so steve, the grandson sales manager is who actually went to bat for dew, helped him to trade in the truck, pay it off, no downpaymt, and low enough paymets, and vouch for dew when his credit rating wasnt good enough to make the deal.  i ended up having to cosign, though i still cant figure out how my credit is better than dews, but oh well.  but steve really pushed for them to make the deal based on him knowing dew for so long and knowing he was a good risk?  so thank you jesus, you are soooooooooo good, and im so sorry that i let myself get so into fear that it almost cost me everything.  in fact me and dew are actually starting to act like we like each other again. 

well, im tired of writing and thinking.  ive got some things to do.  but im going to try to get back into posting again.  ive been doing some research into several different god things.  ive started looking for prophets, to see what they are saying.  im tired of listening to the news, its hard to keep up my courage and listen to all of that.  its just so discouraging.  and i have found some very interesting prophecies.  i dont really know much about prophecy, have never really believed in it.  but ive seen a few on tbn and was intrigued.  so thought i would post some of them here to see if they are right or not.  and only time will tell there.  so i guess it will be kinda like a prophecy experiment and im really excited to see what god does with it.