my husband has passed

i lost my husband last friday after two years fighting cancer. i miss him so very much.  the funeral will be this friday.  the house feels so empty.  me and hubbys handicapped brother who lives with us, are so lost without him.  its so quiet and the silence is deafening.  its been a rough two years.  first hubby got diagnosed with cancer that had spread all over.  the docs said if we had waited another week, he would have been too far gone to help.  my husband was a fighter and made it almost two years.  we moved to his daughters 3 hours away to get him good treatment.  while there our house burned down, i was so co- dependant it wasnt funny.  hubby did almost everything.  then this past year i lost both my parents.  we came back home after about 4 months.  we moved into the old trailer we had.  i had to figure out how to fix it up to make it nice to live in.  its been a terrible 2 years on all of us.  it will be our anniversary this month, then his birthday next month.  the holidays are going to be rough.

well, im tired.  im going to the funeral home tomorrow to visit him.  i didnt get any time alone with him after he passed.  ill probably break down, im struggling so much.  after seeing him i have to go pick out a headstone, then go to the court house to get all the cars and four wheelers put in my name. i have other errands to run as well.  hubbys son is supposed to come in tomorrow, then my daughter and her family comes in thursday.  id rather be alone, but i will need them to help me get through all this.  im looking forward to being past the funeral.  i dont know what will happen after wards, but im hoping to be left alone so i can mourn quietly.