paralizing Dream

I have had seizures ever since I was a young child. I mean, they are not life threatening or anything. Now that I am older, I usually get them once every year or two. I have a low pain tolerance, and low blood and sugar level. It is usually one of those three problems that causes the seizures.

Even though they are far from many, they scare me. I feel like I have no control.. It is a rather scary experience. I know it is going to happen, and I am helpless. There is nothing I can do to stop from seizing. There is nothing the doctors can do, and there is no medicine prescribed to me for them…which is better in the long run. It allows me to live a “normal” life. I mean, with that written on medical records I could have been shorthanded with a lot of things. I guess I have my first doctor to thank for that.

Anyways, I usuall get between 5 and 5:30 am. While M is in the shower and getting ready for work I make his coffee and get some of his stuff together. At about 6:30 he heads out and I putter around the house. Normally, once I am up I cannot get back to sleep until that night. I guess you can say I am naptime intolerant! For some reason this morning I felt incredibly sleepy and decided to go back to bed. Within minutes I dozed off.

this is where it began…I was laying in my own bed…everything was the same as it is now in my room. I was sound asleep when I heard M open the bed room door. I went to open my eyes, but I couldnt…. I felt cold and clammy… everything wasfuzzy behind my eyes, but it was bright. I tried to open my eyes and I couldnt.. again and again. I kept telling myself I was dreaming, but the dream was telling me I wasnt really asleep. Anyways.. i felt like I was seizing.. M was standing there and I tried sitting up and I couldnt. I just fell of the bed… I could hear myself whimpering. I was shaking like a leaf and I was trying to speak to M, but I couldnt. No sound would come out of my mouth. All I could do was continu to whimper. Hoping he would realize that I needed help. He didnt… he turned and walked away. I was left on the floor… I was scared and didnt know what was happening. I still couldnt move and couldn’t speak I started to whimper loudly.. it was then that I woke up..to teh sound of me crying.

I know it doesnt sound like anything but I was so scared. I started thinking about what If I haf a seizure in my sleep. What if I had one when no one was around. Would it cause me to die? Why did M walk away in my dream…I guess it was nothing but it certainly scared me…