Liminality

The rituals of the pastry chef do not appreciate diversion.

Boo.

After a long, arduous weekend I actually had the opportunity to spend some time burritoed in the warm blankets of my bed. A sleeping cat gently snoring in my ear; soft whispers of breath that would lull me back to sleep until the alarm, which was set far later than normal, would ring it’s cheerful chime.

I had the opportunity. Had it. HAD IT!  I can tell you now, reality is never quite as romantic as I would hope. My reality this morning was waking up while it was still dark outside. My reality was my cat thinking my toes were a play toy as I tossed and turned because the burrito life is far too spicy for me. My reality was being up, showered, and two cups of coffee in long before the alarm dared to sing me the song of the sleepy people.

Hey! I tried.

F*ck.

Now I sit in the warmth of one of our local coffee shop; sipping a quad shot, coconut milk latte and basking in the scents of freshly roasted coffee beans. One day I’ll own this type of smell. Mingled in with the fresh scents of cupcakes and yeast dough. For now, I’ll savor their smell and smile knowing that one day it shall be mine. <insert evil laugh here if you must>

I feel like I am in a bit of a limbo here with opendiary. So few friends have returned thus far and yet there are a plethora of interesting people that I am already feeling compelled to read.  Now it is like, what do I do? What do I say? What do I write? Do y’all need an introduction? Do I get right to the dramatics? Do I jump in to the cheerful antics of the bakery life? Do I really want to share this twisted persona?

One thing that I have come to realize with the return of Opendiary is that I have really become a hoarder of thoughts and emotions. I am a Queen of secrets. I think of how little the people I associate with actually know. My mind is this whirlwind of chaos and emotion, yet embedded on this face is a smile that begs others to let me be their light.

Who does the light share their darkness with?

I don’t even know.

I do know that I need a new diary name. I haven’t been called by any of my childhood names in quite some time and feel as though I have rather outgrown that name. Alas, how will “my people” find me??  My people. Ha ha!!

Boy. This entry has the attention span of a squirrel.

Do squirrels even have attention spans? Are they sporadic? Have I had too much coffee? Probably.