SSDD

SSDD, Same shit, Different day…

more like , same bullshit different job.

I have lost count of the many jobs I have held throughout my life. I have worked with food, retail, sales and management and the only thing each one has in common is, the same fucking results (I guess everything, or the end result). Overworked and underpaid. The pay didn’t bother me so much when I came into this current job, 13.50 for a highly decorated title of a sales associate with “part time manager” just because I am required to open/close and do deposits. I am your Xxxxxxx Part time manager/3rd key holder, whatever the fuck that means.

The job is easy, it was stress free for months until I came across coworkers unwilling, uncapable to ever cover for me as I have been covering for them. That was my first red flag, 3 of them and not one reliable one. As the store manager began to see the problem she decided we needed at least one reliable person and she hired someone who used to work with her previously the year before ( 2 months before me). I figured, awesome this girl wont need that much training, If I am ever sick she can cover for me because “She lives right around corner” according to her. Fast forwarded a month later, We are now 3 people at this location, Store manager, coworker and myself and everything is decent. I am getting my 25 to 30 hrs so, a girl can’t complain on easy money. The coworker gets so comfortable now that she is constantly late to work, at first it was okay but then 15 minutes became half an hr and half an hr became an hr. She was flaky, and I had to cover the times she couldn’t make it. The last time I remember her being so late, she showed up almost 3 hrs late, with a McDonalds bag in her hands and needed to privately talk to me in the back. She was high off her ass on what she said was a bar (Xanax). Her eyes would flutter, and roll to the back of her head and she was for some reason trying so hard to balance off one leg when it came to standing. She admitted she was on drugs, and then proceeds to ask if i need her to stay for her shift or if i could cover. If not it was okay but she thought it was worth asking etc. The shift was another 2 hrs long or so and I couldn’t let customers see her, wearing our shirt logo admitting she is employed here looking and sounding the was she was. Ugh So i send her home ( mind you she had already anticipated on me covering for her cause she said her ride was outside still waiting on her) then tell my boss. My boss gets mad at me for letting her go home but I don’t have time to explain the situation further, it was common sense to send her home and not risk the stores name with my coworker’s actions. At this time, my store manager was out of town on vacation (her 3rd vacation while I have been working there) and now I am left to open and close for a whole week straight with no days off. I was like, ” I got this”. Eager to prove myself to everyone I was excited.

Store manager comes back, countless conversations how “She can’t afford to lose her” and constant dumb reasonings I just bit my tongue and went with it but now this stress free environment felt, off. The coworker is an ex junkie who got arrested back in dec of 2023 for carrying and being under the influence, and now it’s awkward working with her, for she says she feels I am over her shoulder, micromanaging her and trying to get her fired. First off, the store is not high traffic enough for us to ever work a shift together, second anything i tell her is just “I have done mark downs on this area, please continue the rest” Our job is easy, check for markdown, keep store clean, up sale! We have a group chat to share every days numbers/sales and are required to upload but for days she hadn’t and I have been asked to do the weekly performance sheet (I love my numbers) so I requested her to upload this information before clocking out that day and her response was ” I know what I have to do, I don’t need you reminding me of anything”. I do have an attitude problem I admit, and I’m easily annoyed and known to make something more than it is so, in fear of losing my job from my reaction I just said “Okay”.

Sometime passes and I have a customer who did her shopping online, yet our online orders were not going thru because our system kicked us out and we had no way of getting into our account. We had to wait on i.t to fix it but took forever. I was kind enough to separate these items for her so when it all got fixed, she can just take it with her rather than us giving her the “we are all out of stock” speech. She had left her number and asked if i can give her a call when the system seemed to be working, I also suggested to call corporate just in case so she could get her money back so we can instead do in store sale, and I’d price match. I tried giving her a call one day off the outdated work phone that I had no idea how to call out, so I used my personal phone, and she answered. She was happy with the fact I reached out and everything was great. My boss gave me the okay to price match but when she went into the store (A day I was not working it seems) She and my boss exchanged words and somehow something didn’t go the customers way and she wrote some review or complaint to corporate using my name and the fact we shared conversations over my phone (Only work related) so I nearly lost my job right then and there. 2nd red flag, me almost losing my job for going above and beyond while the junkie was still employed, missing shifts and her only punishment was less hrs for her and more for me. Noted.

Finally, we hire someone new, and the junkie gets replaced (Not that she didn’t fight her cause). The new girl is so much younger, lots of energy and  has the “I want to work here” attitude. I loved it, and the first day I worked with her was a hoot. Spent a lot of time laughing but she was more so observing and learning how I go about things and such. I didn’t think she’d drain me though, she was a bit much so I had to focus more so on work otherwise my mood or energy would be absorbed too quickly and i would get lazy at work. Thankfully again, the traffic was never so high to need to work with her, but perhaps she needed it. Her first red flag was she needed to use the restroom, and she left the store open and unattended. Her excuse or reason to not locking up as she stepped out and away from the store was that I had told her that was what we did. Never did the topic ever come up so i am uncertain why she even said what she said. when we allowed her to work on her own, she would just do. No questions asked, straight on etc. I was like okay, okay, nice, but I began to see she wasn’t doing things accordingly (the way she should be). She had like so much pride she never asked for help, or if she was doing things properly. Time and time again we would point out the obvious and correct her, from her basic math problems to her way of doing things. Store manager and myself thought “Did we get bamboozled?) This girl clearly was a ditz. No common sense, shitty at math. She up and left one day in the middle of her shift too. Hardly wanted to work yet requested more hours. While she had been working there, I was doing her job, and my job and anything else my store manager needed help with ( I sympathized with my store manager and I regret that now, but explanation comes later). I was thinking, when did this simple job become so stressful? To top things off, corporate was going thru some changes from management, ceo to how shit will be dealt with like sales, prices, etc. It’s Late august, I been thinking, and my store manager has brought up the fact that i should request a raise since july (junkie incident) but with all the changes, the training of the ditz not to mention the times she ncns (no call no show) I don’t know when is a good time to reach out to district about a pay raise. At first I was like I can wait, but my store manager which I’m grateful for her telling me but now my mind feels polluted with this information, but she tells me everyone before, and after me has been getting paid more than I have hourly regardless of their lack of experience, age, availability, and their shitty work ethics.

Now I am offended, I feel discouraged and overworked and underpaid, or under appreciated. I have gotten no thank yous, no good jobs and i get it, it’s work…not a place to bring my daddy issues to and expect a gold star but come on, I nearly got fired for something so stupid and these people have write ups, and they can’t afford to lose them. Keep that in mind, they can’t afford to lose them.

I reached out sometime in September about a raise, I wrote a very professional request for a pay bump, simply asking to go from 13.5 to 14 or 14.5 since my coworkers were between 14.15 to 14.5 why not. Days turn to weeks and now, I asked my store manager, hey is there an answer cause if not, I’d like to email again and find out because I’d like a yay or nay. My district continues to say her boss needs to ok it, but then she asks my store manager if I am deserving of it. According to my store manager she said she fought for me, and that district was going to call me on one of the two days I worked open to close. Never got that call. Cherry on top, district directed my store manager to not exceed 20hrs a week for me until or unless i got this raise. I think her explanation was so i didn’t give the overworked and underpaid bs. How is this fair. Like wtf. Tell me to my face I not worth keeping. I make the sales, the numbers are doubled from last year, I have no write ups, I come in on my days off, when my manager’s husband broke his arm, when she is on her time of the month, because her car wouldn’t start (she also lives half an hr to an hr depending on traffic away from the store while it takes me 15 minutes tops to get there) I threw out my back and my store manager was petty over it and though i forcefully took the day off (refused to show but also gave over a 24hr warning in which she “liked the comment” before hand) and she still punished me (wont get into details there). I went in the next day even when I couldn’t walk right, and i was in pain. Mind you it’s been a month since that horrible pinch nerve I got before a 5hr bus ride back home from my hometown and I am barely feeling good enough to move comfortably.

I have so many medical conditions that I have had to put a halt, just so this store functions with someone reliable. Knowing I’m not appreciated enough for a fucking .50 cents more to the hr, that they can afford to lose me so disheartening. Being punished with less hours for asking for a raise. Every job I have ever had, hardly ever sees the good, and most day that is fine but to see it in others and reward them, even when everyone knows they do nothing, unreliable, disrespectful, breaking store policies, being indecent human beings but If I take an unscheduled break, stand up for myself, say I can’t, set boundaries, etc It’s terms of unemployment.

My mistake is, I got comfortable.

I have anxiety issues, depression, I am a diabetic , with a soft mass in my left knee, knee in which I have overused the cartilage to and bone is rubbing against bone, so I am constantly in discomfort or pain. I have heel spurs, extra calcium growing at my heels, stabbing me as I walk, my nerves are shot mostly from my back causing issues for my limbs and hips. I have, actually I am not entirely sure what is wrong with my ligaments from my left leg, I should be wearing a boot but I couldn’t tolerate the pain to my back when I threw it out. I have been having issues with my iron levels for over a year now so I get drained so much faster. Then there is the fact I must carry the weight I carry, for I am obese. Which is a kind way of saying, I am twice the size I should be.

I picked up the habit of smoking pot again so this getting a new job is not the hard part it’s coming out clean in time. I hate how comfortable I got here and began to smoke just because my store manager smokes too, ain’t that some bullshit. I’m not expecting comments to be nice. I just miss the old open diary days where I’d rant and feel a bit better. I can always write in my book/journal hard copy wise I know that but I miss my fingers hitting the keyboard. I’m sure this new version of open diary isn’t the same as it was almost 20 yrs ago (yeah I’m that old) I enjoyed it because like myspace I got to mess with the coding just to change the colors here and there and add music etc. lol good ol days. I apologize but also thank you if you survived through all this and if you want to comment feel free. I’d prefer positive feed back only because the negative I have heard it all before from others, from myself. I know this is first world problems, a me issue and there are scarier more important shit going on out there but I have been lucky enough not to have experienced any bad stuff in that degree, at least not recently.