Stressed Out
No. I will NOT go fuck myself! No. I am NOT fucking retarded! No. I am NOT a fucking idiot! Words are more than just words. They can really hurt at times. Cut you to the core. Who knows, maybe I’m just more emotional than you. Maybe you’re not as easily hurt as I am.
I’m so unbelievably stressed out. No work. No money coming in. No idea when money is going to be coming in. Its enough to drive you fucking insane. And its easy to say, Oh everything will work itself out. And its nice to hear that sometimes, yes. BUT…thinking that way is not going to pay the rent. Its not going to pay the car payment. Or the insurance. Its not going to buy my bridesmaid dress. Its not going to pay the wedding cake gift I promised my sister. I fucking hate living in this place. And I dont know what to do, or where to turn.
Stress is an awful thing, isnt it? I know it makes me cranky and I’m not easy to live with. I hate that. I hate living everyday of my life hating myself. Hating mirrors. Hating having to get dressed. Hating having to go out in public. But I do it. I have to. I have to pretend.
I just got a nice long bath and it felt soooo good. I turned all the lights out and lit a bunch of candles and just sat there. I started thinking about everything, worrying about everything, and I just cried. I cried and cried and cried. I let the tears go, like the water that poured from the faucet. Its been a long time since I had a good cry. Cant remember the last time actually. But it felt good. I actually feel a bit better…..for now anyways. Sorry bout the vent to everyone, or anyone, who reads this. Along with crying, OD is another way you can help make yourself feel better. At least it is for me anyway. 
Take care all.
I know I feel like hell when I have my major crying moments, but they are essential. Otherwise I puts around, packing my emotions tighter & tighter inside until I’m absolutely impossible to be around. Thus I have to retreat to my room for as long as time allows. Bottom line, it never hurts to cry. I hope you find a job, as well as some relaxation. Sounds like you need a little security & comfort.
Warning Comment
Blah – stress definately sucks. ((HUGS))
Warning Comment
i know how yaa feel…my rent for this month still isnt payed, i’m not working fulltime, i’ve got student loan payemnts starting (i owe a fortune) plus phone, internet and visa payments…and i dunno if i’m gonna be able to pay them all…plus i NEED new clothes badly, cause i gained weight and mine dont fit…plus christmas is coming up…*sigh*…
Warning Comment
and as much as i tell ppl not to buy me anything some still say they intend to, and it makes me feel bad if i can’t buy them something…i’m hoping i can afford a present for craig and our parents…thinkin about getting pictures taken at walmart for them…and then buying a box of cards to send to our friends with a wallet picture…we’ll see…being broke sucks, but i guess its part of growingup
Warning Comment
ps…love ya hun…hang in there, and come on here to vent anytime, cause i’ll read it and vent with ya!!! i miss you tons and bunches and oodles!
Warning Comment
perfect, the 18th is whats on my calendar…i’ll put in a request, and i’ll tell craig to as well…as for deena and holly, i dunno if they’ll have dates, but we have 3 spaces in the back of craigs car…so you can let them know that if ya want, and i’ll look for hollys address for ya…k
Warning Comment
yay for dresses, you’re welcome for the address
Warning Comment
im sorry i wish you felt better. This isnt a good time for many people, the holidays are coming and that means a need for more money and especially with a wedding coming. I hope you feel better soon
Warning Comment
{{{lots of hugs}}} (Ditto note) Leaving my faves a ditto note 2 let those who don’t have time 2 stop in on everyone who notes them & 4 those who do-you know. Going 2 take a sabbatical starting on Sunday 11-01 until sat 11-06. Losing Internet 4 a few. Jeesh what will I do? Hmm? Won’t be able to catch up but will begin reading ASAP. Hugs and luv – Dawn – will miss U!!!
Warning Comment
RYN: posting pictures is really easy. First you have to upload them to the internet. Like at http://www.snapfish.com Once you have the photos uploaded into an album, you can copy & paste them into your diary.
let me know if you need help with uploading.
Warning Comment