update

So, did spend the week with my sister and my dad. Its always revealing when, as an adult, you do something like this. The old family patterns hit you in the face, and you go. ‘Oh. that’s why I grew up that way’ . I do love my Dad and older Sister, but gees, neither one is ever wrong. too hard heads hitting together. so this is why, I grew up listening and avoiding arguments… ok, got it. and of course, Dad said my sister (who has lost 80 lbs and is now 145 lbs) is too skinny and I (only having lost the 20lbs, and remain for the past year at 185) am too fat. Just can’t win with him. and in reflection mom and dad were always negative people (loving) but negative. Perhaps that was due to surviving the Great Depression. or perhaps they were always that way. Family. love it or leave it.

I could retire in June, just can’t afford to. and then there is the "what would I do?" such and odd thought after years of working, to consider NOT working. oh for vacation I can think of lots of things to do, all that I can’t do, because of working. but for years of not working, what then? so I’m putting it off for awhile. not that my finances will get better. But just putting it off for awhile.

I am a bit negative this Am, exhausted and it is only Tuesday! I did have a good mothers day, my daughter and I went out to the barn, (where she boards her horses) and I sat in my lawn chair while my mare stood over me, putting her head down so I can scratch her ears. She would have sat in my lap, but 1000 lb horse doesn’t fit in my lap 🙂 the barn is out in the country, so spent time just looking out on nothing. listening to birds, and scratching horse hide. relaxing.

but my yard needs mowed, did get front done last night. the rain over the weekend kept me from mowing it over weekend. and I have great plans for how to add shrubs and rocks etc. just no time, and then not much energy; to dig holes, and of course no money to buy the plants. So trusting God to Provide.

in mean time, using my own advice and letting go of what I can’t change, and enjoying what I do have.

wishing you the same….