tension

I realized yesterday how tension does affect the body. I worked from 8 to 1, no breaks, no lunch. then we had our "holiday pot luck" where almost everyone brought cheese and crackers and has a hour and a half lecture from our justice team. I had 5 minutes to myself, then clients to 5:15. again no breaks…. as I drove home with a clenched stomach, I figured it out. brilliant , aren’t I?

I also remain triggered by negative memories of my X due to the anniversary of our wedding passing, and my grandson visiting the "good Christian" that slept with him while we were getting divorced, and married him one week after the divorce was final. yeah. great Christian. one of reasons I don’t call my self a Christian. people that only talk the talk, but can’t walk the walk…. things I have to let go of. but then when my 18 yr old Christian grand son refers to her as his Grandmother,…. my stomach turns over again….

still waiting on job offer for my daughter, 2 interviews a request for references and still waiting. prob not getting any thing more till after thanksgiving. and if they hire her , prob won’t start till first of Dec which means her first pay day would be mid December at the most.

which screws me, as my funds don’t cover my bills let alone hers… so yes tension, worry. that I can distract from, by reading, playing computer games, work.

I have to be like the kitten sitting in the window… soaking up the sunlight. just enjoying the moment. the song "sitting in he sunshine, sing a little sunshine song…" by Rodger miller , who sang it about 20 years ago. another of his songs was "you can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd….. but your can be happy if you want to" he sang happy country western songs 20 years ago. "Little green apples in the spring time" was the song about love, and it was the song that always reminded me of the love in my marriage. up until the last. at least.

I did catch a diary brief on here, I started to read it as it was about in laws. but discovered it was the "other woman" who was wed to the man whose children lived with him. she wanted them Gone, yesterday. sweet. stopped reading it after a few sentences. the kids didn’t ask for a step mom.

life continues to suck, and I still hear story after story at work (I’m a therapist you recall) re hard times, difficult lives, pain) and

my goal is to remember , over and over…. to walk in the sunshine

and sing a little sunshine song….

to sit like the kitten in the sunshine and enjoy the moment.

letting go of negative again this am.

take care out there you all.