Me (Pictures)

 Who am I? What have I become? Am I the person I imagined I would be? 

 

If I could say one thing to myself, a 5 year old girl in love with her mommy and daddy, what would it be? I think I would say you’ll be better than this. How fragile and turbulent my world was and I was clueless to it all. Two years later and my sense of security was shattered when my dad told me to kiss mommy goodbye because she wasn’t going to live with us anymore. Several months later, my daddy looked at me with tears running down his face, after just forcing me to lie to him because he had just eavesdropped on a phone conversation with my mother in which I told her I wanted to live with her and my brother in her new apartment. Didn’t he know I didn’t want to hurt either of them? 

These are the things that shaped me. And they aren’t even the worst. I was forcibly removed from my dad’s custody in a very public setting after onlookers witnessed him going over and beyond punishing me. The worst wasn’t the physical pain, but watching police officers tackle and force my dad to the ground. Or the days following when I was separated from my brother at the children’s home. The nights when they would come get me out of bed to go calm him down and get him back to sleep because no one else could. He was only 3. But I was only 8. The girl I shared a room with screamed in her sleep and had nightmares that scared me from begin able to close my eyes to sleep at night. 

These times in my life were very important. I resent them greatly, but also know that I truly learned what forgiveness was. Because of these things I have lived through, I know that a person can change. I know what family is and what loving them means. It is why my children are the center of my life and will only ever know who I am now, not then, and honestly probably why my parents treat them so good now. It is why I was a reckless teenager, and why I fell in love with my husband. Most importantly it is why I know My God and his power and love and believe whole heartedly that he works all things into good for those who love him. 

Today I am me. I am married to my best friend. I love my children. I struggle to remain level with myself, but I am me and that is all I am ever going to get. 

 

 

 

The Faces of Me

 

 

My Best Friend

 

 

My Babies