It Just Seems To Get Worse
After days of crying and mustering up strength to forge on and keep my self together, I got an email from Scott yesterday telling me that he is depressed, and without saying as much, he would invite death with a smile.
He made me angry. I just can’t help but feel like its not fair that I now have to balance myself and him, when he has done so little to balance me.
I am also angry that he feels so poorly about himself when he is a pretty awesome human being.
I got no response to my email, but he seemed more cheery when he first woke up this morning, but now all of that went right out the door. He just declared that he is going to get extremely drunk today because he would rather be obliterated to the point of not knowing what is going on instead of taking a gun to his head.
What is happening to us?
And now he is back in bed, covers over his face, and I am alone with myself to fend for me and the kids, again.
My soul is screaming, my heart weeping and there is absolutely no help here for me.
Anyone sick of my melodrama yet? I am honestly considering not writing anymore until things gets better.
What I noticed first of all was that sweet selfless personality of yours’ shining thru as the moment you knew your husband was feeling down–you forgot all about your own struggles of late. You’re quite a lady, and your husband is very lucky to have you at his side. *HUGS* I wish I could reach out with more than prayers, but they are powerful enough to do much my friend. I sent one heavenward just now, and will do so again before this night is thru…. Your friend, Michael
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awe hang in there. Work on taking care of your kids and yourself. You cant ‘help’ him, until you are good yourself. Do you have someone who can watch the babies while you take sometime for yourself? I encourage you to keep writing sometimes thats the only outlet. Your strong, and will make it through.
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I don’t know what could be causing him to feel this way, so it’s hard to comment on his ‘depression’. I know, however, how hard it must be to not have the option of just getting drunk to get away from it because you’ve got babies to care for. Why does he get to do that? Must be so frustrating. I will pray for you, and please don’t stop writing.
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In the nicest most sincerest way possible and coming from a place of love not judgement…what is it exactly that you are depressed about? Write it down (not neccessarily on here) and then ask your husband to do the same thing. Then compare what you wrote and see if there is anything you can “work on” together to maybe help try and improve your feelings or thoughts.
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My other suggestion is to instead of focusing on the negative…start a little notebook about all the things that make you smile or happy or even things you are thankful for or happy memories that make you laugh. When you start getting upset, open the book up. Laughter can sometimes be the best medicine. Try reading your Bible and write down scripture that is comforting to you?
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not sick of hearing your heartaches…just wish there was a way to help more. i always see as illness as a sign that change is NECCESSARY. figuring out the change is not always easy…but you are not as alone as you feel…God is always there. turn to HIM…rely…ask. i’m praying too.
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