Dental Drama

I took Salem to her very first ever dentist appointment today. And I struggled with admitting that, because really, we should have taken her a very long time ago, and there is no good excuse as to why we didn’t. So like idiots we didn’t take her until she started complaining, and of course there is far more wrong than I ever saw coming. The dentist told me that she had 10 cavities, would need 6 of them capped, 1 of those 6 possibly would not be salvageable, and then 4 more fillings, and he wanted to remove her two front bottom teeth because her permanent teeth are ready to come in and will make the other teeth crooked if we didn’t act soon. And by soon he wanted me to come in the morning because he believed she may have already had abscesses and may start getting more. After the appointment I asked my brother to watch her so that I could talk to Scott without her overhearing.

And that turned into far more stress than I was willing to try and deal with. Scott immediately went into denial about how much needed to be done and said he was unsure of going through with everything. So he took it upon himself to call another dentist to get a second opinion, but left me to call them and actually schedule that appointment. And honestly that just fueled the stress more which turned into serious areas of distrust towards my decision making when it comes to my parenting skills. And when I was finally able to have a real conversation with him where he wasn’t at work, and try to explain to him the way I was feeling, he shot me down immediately and was very quick to let me know he does not have any sympathy for me as far as feeling that way and had absolutely no hesitation when letting me know that this was about her and not me. The only reason I tried to discuss anything as far as my feelings went was because he was so quick to offer support and understanding last week when trying to convince me to move. Now I am back to feeling like that understanding is only conditional.

The dental office was able to get us in at about dinner time. Their exam only showed 7 definitive cavities, 4 caps, 1 with possible removal, 2 baby root canals and a bridge should we have to remove the one bad tooth. She doesn’t want to remove her two front teeth until she has to, and right now she doesn’t think it’s time. They weren’t able to verify our insurance because it was too late so they showed us cash prices and we are at a staggering $3500. I would absolutely be lying if I said that didn’t stress me out. So it looks like we will be going that route. We explained everything over dinner to Salem as best we could because the dentist said we shouldn’t try, it really only makes things worse. And she said it isn’t the type of food that she’s eating, but how often she is eating, so we have to correct her snacking.

I really wish I was more diligent about this. I will not make the same mistake with Ian. And maybe I should make an appointment for myself as well. I do feel guilty. Very guilty. She is my daughter and I should have been more on top of this.

As for the way Scott made me feel, I feel scolded. I am so very hurt. I know that this is not about me. All I want is to do what is best for Salem, and when a dentist who went to school and is licensed tells me that this is what needs to be done or things will get worse, I am going to listen. So when Scott was against my decision, I felt the way I did about that. I am so full of self doubt, because I don’t think I reacted poorly when I tried to explain myself to him, but maybe I did and it seemed like I was trying to make it about me? I don’t know. My head is spinning. I want today to be over with. But I need to regress. I slept terribly last night, and I feel like it will happen again because I won’t be able to get these thoughts and feeling out of my mind long enough to sleep thoroughly.

Honestly, I feel like I took a step backwards with my husband, and that is more than I can handle. I have barely felt like I have had his support in the last year, and to feel like there was a major break through last week to feel like this now, is devastating.

I really can’t wait to hear from the dentist office tomorrow so that we can start scheduling appointments. First thing will be a cleaning so that they can determine how comfortable she is with them in her mouth and all the noises and utensils. Let’s get this ball rolling!