06/11/2013

 I feel heart broken. There is no reason for it, nothing has changed, and yet there is this despair inside of me that I can’t get rid of. My therapist thinks the move is a trigger, and that even if it is a good stress, it is a stress none the less. I don’t know what I think. I know that I am dreading my bed being empty for the next 4 nights….

Ian just made the goofiest face and I came undone. God I love my children. They save me in my worst moments. 

Salem is free for the Summer, however long that may be. I was very emotional last year at the end of kindergarten, which I expected, I did not expect it this year. I was teary eyed the whole drive to school, and the tears were really running down my face as I watched her walk up the drive to school for the last time. It was double edged. Not just the end of this school year, but the end of a chapter of our lives. She will never go to school there again. Which is weird that I feel that way, because in all actuality, I feel like it is neither good or bad. I am very proud of her. She did awesome this year and learned so much. She is reading her very first chapter book for the summer, and this time last year, i don’t even think I would have thought it a possibility. She got awards all three trimesters this year, and her report card today maintained the grades she had all year. I am excited for school in Georgia, because she will be in much better schools, and hopefully have a more devoted teacher. Salem had a total of 3 teachers, and I definitely feel that she was confused by different teaching methods, and was cheated out of having a fully devoted teacher. 

Oh my gosh I want to feel whole. I hope there will be a day that I get to feel that way, and that it comes sooner than later.