05/01/2012

 I got in a fight with Scott today. Less than an hour ago to be exact. The wounds are still fresh and to top it all off I have to be in close quarters with him.

We got in a fight at Disneyland, as we were walking out in a huge crows of people. What hurts the most is the words he says to me, the names he calls me. The anger behind his voice is defeating. 

We are driving home. I am in the back seat with the kids crying silently. I took out my phone wanting desperately to text someone, but I have no one. Thankfully I have my iPhone and this site. 

It was my fault. I did something stupid. I apologized immediately. Every word I spoke to him in my apology was sincere. I didn’t mean to do what I did. But instead I was crushed by hateful words and made to feel terrible. There is pain in me largely because you would think it would kill the man to accept an apology from me. And there is this utter disbelief that he would speak to me that way in front of our daughter. 

If he could do that, there must be something wrong with me right? Somehow my mistake is deserving of his actions and words. 

I feel like I am going to vomit.

I am so very alone. I feel hollow.