Jelly

The air that envelops this quiet room feels dense, a bitter distaste that I’ve quietly adjusted myself to. The lump in my throat strains itself as my head tries to compose thoughts into clear words. I want something better for  the people that I love. Their sadness pains me, I understand, I’ve felt the bitter sting and though they don’t see it, I share their burdon on my shoulders. A flicker on my television set lets me know that time continues to move forward. My hands feel shakey, my eyes grow watery, the uncomfortable lump in my throat travels through to my chest.

I don’t know what to do with so little I have to offer, so I offer them the only thing I know I can. I smile. I laugh. I make jokes. I turn into the boy they knew so long ago. Anything to help take their pain away, anything. But I can’t. I am temporary and I know this. I cannot be there for all of their needs. I am a Band-Aid, but for now… Can’t that be enough?