Cost

It’s been quite some time, hasn’t it? I don’t recall where I last off…

The world, as always, moves so silently that I continue to remain unknown to all but those who I’ve kept closest to my heart. The number of those kind souls seems to dwindle one after another, and during these strangely short winter days, I recollect on those that are now lost to a world outside my own. Still, I think of them. Is that so strange? I recall their gestures of kindness, their facial expressions, and even their patience for dealing with a heart as frigid as mine. I suppose this is why they are no longer around, though. People shouldn’t have to live his or her life simply putting up with people. I don’t blame them, but I still think of them… Do they ever think of me?

I am twenty-three right now. Soon, I will be twenty-four.

When I was sixteen, I frequently dreamt of having my own family to care for. These were the people I could sure my life with, the good and the bad. These were the people who could share their lives with me, the good and the bad. With every passing year, these reminescant thoughts of happiness begin to wain and flicker. Their figures are merely superimposed silhouettes whose outlines have begun to mesh into the background.

My daughter… I used to dream of her.

I used to dream of things.

What do I do now?

I spend my days alone.

Always alone.

Always.