3 / 1 / 2019

That’s the hard part, right?

To understand that I was enough from the start. To not lose myself in what I think she wants me to be because who she loves is exactly who I am and not an image of what I think she would love. But that’s the hard part. The hard part is not losing pieces of myself by changing myself into an image of what I think she would love. She loves me as I am right now. I have to tell myself that on repeat to stop myself from contemplating thoughts like, “Maybe if I was a more social person” or, “Maybe we had more in common” or, “Maybe she would love me more if […].”

I imagine that some people struggle with changing their faults in order to better themselves for their loved ones whereas I find it too easy to lose myself in change and become an entirely different person than who they originally loved.

In those moments when I find myself slipping, I repeat to myself, “She loves me as I am right now and not any other image of what I think would make her love me more.”