One of the Fools

I’m glad I’m not there. Not to this point.
I never want to be.
Although turbulent and uncomfortable a times,
it endures.
I wonder if it’s just how my heart was made.
It has been proven wrong.
I didn’t care for you, slick tongue, eager twitches
insipid noises.
It is you I still dreamt of;
the fire of this burning chaos beneath my skin
put into words and concepts by you.
Ultimately, you made me feel reality.
Like all the things wonderful and terrifying gone past,
shouting into the night echoing away.
I see what benefits me. I’m not stupid.
But now the pain I once held at the slightest shrug of indifference
of anger and aggression
I no longer bare. Through pain I have become less pained.
But that is purely retrospect now.
What I see when I enter that door
put the liquor in the fridge and set up our base,
how soft and warm the hours slip past,
is all I ever wanted.
So I stay here, balanced on the bow.
The difference is great. I have more faith in him now.
But he is the one who taught me reality
so I have my roots here.
I have to have a lifeline in case he weighs anchor
and I am flung away from my dearest love
companion
connection I have ever felt.