Midterms Period

It is the Midterms period, everything is so stressful. What made me want to write here again this time is my parents, again. Every time when I try to get close to them, they either do or say something toxic. It is hard to form a connection with them when they are like that. I have been playing a game that relieves my stress. Whenever my mom sees me playing it, or doing anything other than my studies, she starts throwing bad comments. I hate her, I hate that she is like that. She and dad have always been like this. She expects me to study 24/7. It is so frustrating. I have a midterm tomorrow, but I feel like crying. I want to become someone great. But neither my family nor the people around me are making me do it. Whenever I try to do something, it seems that there will always be someone to stop me or put a hindrance in my way.  It makes me sad, first of all, that I can’t trust or open up to my family. Which makes it so hard to trust other strangers or acquaintances. Then the fact that our professors (which I admire a lot) are not motivating me as well. I participate the most in my classes, I love to engage and have a convo with my professors, but whenever I participate, I sense that they don’t appreciate my participation. It breaks my heart that the people that I admire the most are like that. I want to throw a wish to the sky, or to God (if they are there).

I wish that in the future (even if it’s after 40 years) I become someone I am proud of, someone people admire. I want my name out there in the world. I also wish that I will befriend good people who offer me their shoulders when I need it. I shall offer them mines when in need as well.

I hope I become a great writer, artist, and psychologist.

I hope that the student I saw in my senior year of high school who was suffering mentally is better now. I hope the girl who was my best friend and whom I fell in love with then left her because I couldn’t be her lover is happy, safe, and sound. I hope that I become stronger in the future. Someone independent who can support themselves.

I hope that I can see light at the end of the tunnel.