When is Old?

Lately I’ve been finding myself judging younger kid’s when I’m out and about.

What are they even saying?

How do they not hear how weird and braggy they sound?

They just all seem so….immature?

I am trying to be a kinder person, so this is my perceptive on this situation; While I can no longer relate to people 8 years younger than me, I can see how I must have acted just like them.

It’s nice to feel close to humanity and strangers around you. I was once exactly like them, and I’m sure older people had those same thoughts looking at 18 year old me.

We are all so similar to one another, and it’s so painfully sweet to conceptualize the rest of the world as feeling familiar to you. Yes, there are those around the world who are suffering and experiencing the cruelty of circumstances…I can’t fathom what that could possibly be like. I have endured my own slice of cruelty–as everyone has– which I feel contributed greatly to the person I am today… I am still so fortunate in to be in the life position I am in.

I believe because of my own circumstances I have been able to appreciate and streamline my emotional development. I’ve been on my therapy journey for 3 years now and it was tough at first. Everyday felt like a new challenge that felt impossible to navigate.

It felt endless until it just wasn’t.

Now the challenges are still….well a challenge but that’s the beauty of it; it’s a challenge I’m now ready to take on and conquer. It’s a challenge that has officially becoming rewarding and not exclusively exhausting. It’s still kinda exhausting but the release of tension, of stress, of displaced anger and anxiety is manageable.

Those things never go away, but your response to them will forever mature and grow.

So yes. I can see myself as these kids who just have little to no real life experience, and I’m excited for the possible journey the thread of fate will have them travel. I hope they develop themselves emotionally to help them navigate the aggressive world that surrounds being an emotional human being.

What really gets me though is that I’m really not that much older than this group….27 is just around the corner but I still have a hard time thinking about myself in the narrative media portrays approaching “The big 30”. I still feel like a kid, I still feel young. Certainly not as impulsive as I used to be which does has it’s appeal. Sometimes last minute decisions turn to be the best ones, but it’s not something I find myself exploring anymore. I just still feel young. Yeah my back hurts, I have to stretch in the morning, I care about my fiber intake, I hardly drink, I never party, I actually care about my circadian rhythm now(bedtime is 8:30) I’m literally turning into a stereotypical “boring adult”

BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE A DUMB KID

I feel like I’m going to be this way until I finally pass and that’s pretty exciting. I hope everyone discovers what it’s like to feel “young at heart” and keep it beating forever.

Please choose kindness, especially with yourself.