The Hardest Time For Me

It is here. it is now. Now is when I think of the past, I think of my friends and I think of my world, my failures and my life. Now is when I Have to keep thinking to myself, ‘do I quit or do I keep pushing forward.’

I have a friend that I haven’t seen in a year, I miss her terribly, and I’d give anything In the world to be with her. but that is not to be. I think more about her now than any other time, because when I have seen her, it was in Novemeber. Amazing how dreams can be wrought on such fleeting times with someone. But as all dreams, they end up becoming as insubstantial as any dream may be.

I hate work. I really do. and frankly, I don’t care at this point if I keep this job or not. I want to move on and do something else. I’m even actually signed up to take the GRE. wish me luck.

I have to scratch my head, I have so many people who do care about me, and who mean a lot to me, and whom I care about so deeply. Yet, within me I still feel empty and hopeless. Tired of the fight. (but what am I fighting? myself of course, the most useless battle ever.)

To those people who do care, who do listen, thank you, I’m sorry ahead of time if I quit. But even i have to give up at some point. My head is down, my vision is dim. just a terrible tiredness.

I’m sorry.

Mark