Project Mayhem Week 1 recap

Time: 12:25am

Music: Tori Amos (To Venus and back: Venus Orbiting) (yeah, I like Tori, if you don’t shame … shame on you. She is so amazing I’ll probably write a post about her music at some point….)

Dear me, Well, it looks like rain again, and I’m having trouble sleeping again. So it’s time to move again. it is time to move to another place, in another space. Where the ocean smells salty like blood, and the sky is crimson over the gulf of mexico as the sun dissapears beneath the ocean waves. Underneath the darkening violet sky, I think about the Project of Mayhem I have planned out. I have planned well. Despite some setbacks, things continue to progress smoothly.

Things started off with something of a bang on Sunday night. The bang a pipe makes against the glass of a car window. Shattered, the glass piled on my car seat with a ocean green. I realized then, that I had to make it down to the ocean. The damage was slight. Just a Stolen Monitor, a keyboard, mouse, zipdrive and porn. I had to laugh because the window would cost more to replace than the stuff they stole. undoubtably to be pawned somewhere to get some quick money. Even the owners admitted that such broken glass was a common occurance around there. Rather than worry too much about the trivality of money, I consoled myself knowing that my car was ok, and what was lost could be replaced.

Down I-75 I went, Feeling the wind blasting through my hair. (after all, it’s hard to roll up a window that’s no longer there) Watching my windshield get damp from a sprinkle of showers. but my car was ok, it’s always ok. into the place I would stay. And there I hatched project mayhem.

Of course, before I could do anything else, I had to go out and get some basic food supplies. not to mention pots and pands and silverware. oh and soap. and shampoo did I mention I think Pantene rocks? I didn’t think so… but damn, it’s good. However the first night, monday night, I didn’t buy food. No, I bought a pot. I bought a pan. I bought the stuff to make me feel like I had a home. (After all, it’s hard to call it home just based on 2 boxes of clothes, a box of books and a computer with no monitor.)

With an airmattress covered in sheets, and a comforter to hide beneath, I slept the second night. (the first night, I ended up putting the comforter underneath me on the ground with a sheet over the comforter. wrapped under each in a cocoon.

a couple of days to relax slowly getting into work, slowly getting involved. learning what I need to take over the world. (or at least my job) I learned I am a neat freak when it comes to kitchens (I suspected it… now I know) I love my room messy, but I hate my kitchen to have a single spot, a single stain. (I suspected it, now I know)

I set my default page to http://www.nrlmry.navy.mil/tc_pages/tc_home.html Never will I be suprised by a storm brewing. Never will I be suprised by a sudden storm on the horizon.

My friend told me I had automagical airconditioning. I laughed. I realized that I suck at boiling water in a microwave. I cried. I have never felt so overwhelmed in my life. And yet, Standing on the edge of the ocean, staring at the sun, watching it sinking into the waves, I feel a glimmer of hope. I can do this, I can finish project mayhem.

I miss my Friends. I’m sitting here on a friday night, knowing that the nearest friend live hours away. I feel a craving to go to their house and sit with them as we play bridge, as we play starcraft, as we play diablo II. (I have a level 78 ladder hardcore if anyone wants to play…) I want to sit with them and just talk and relax. But I am home now. I am home, with enough stuff to fill half a room in an apartment that feels empty. enough stuff to fill 1 cupboard, enough stuff to fill 1 shelf on the fridge. I bought food. and I forgot salt and sugar. Looking into my bags, I have never felt such despair, such incompetence… here I am buying food for myself, and I can’t even remember to buy salt or sugar. How am I going to survive?

Today, I have trouble breathing, my chest hurts. I am sick. and I wonder again. am I really ready to be here, alone?

Go go project Mayhem. This has been Pirate Radio Project mayhem. Signing off for tonight.