Bleak Musings

For me, when I slide down into a depression, it’s one of the hardest things to work back out of, simply because when you’re in a depression, it’s too easy to not want to try. I had to force myself to bike yesterday, I had to push myself to make it to 20 minutes, and then I simply said, ‘to hell with it.’ I’m not dealing well with my friends, I’m lashing out at them and my roommate (not too much, but being terse and anti social) and frankly, I’m not in a mood to talk to anyone for more than a few minutes. It’s too tiring right now to talk to people except on my terms. And I dislike being demanding, but if I’m not, I’ll end up lashing out if someone tries to push me. The good news, so to speak, is that I joined a 9 ball pool league. Yeah, I play pool, betcha didn’t know that… Though, keep in mind, I don’t play pool well. In fact, I’m pretty damn bad at it. But it does mean I have something to focus on, though it also means that one day a week I may not focus on myself as much, so it’s a give and get. We shall have to see how it works out.

There’s more stuff going on, but I’m not in a mood to talk about it further. but don’t worry, it’s nothing too bad or serious, just my own internal crap. That and stubborness, and the frustration that comes with people. blergh…. I think I should become a hermit, maybe then i can write 🙂

BTW, to my friends who have been paitent and not calling me every few hours, I am greatful, and please be paitent if I don’t talk very much the next few days or so….