Reflect

I sat here early drinking morning brew, and smoking my breakfast. Overcast today. Thinking of life mostly. Some people here abou these little towns, or amazing places, and have to live there. I’ve not heard yet of a town, that was so sweet and so beautiful I’d have to live there. Honestly I never saw another place for me than San Diego. It was my home, I know the roads, I’ve memorized them. I can still tell you directions, I can see a literal map, the basic outlines of buildings, the asphalt in front of me. Going down Cuyamaca and turning left, to reach the boardwalk. Taking the 67 to Lakeside. Driving from the 8 to work. I watched them build the 52 as a child. I took feild trips through mission trails. We took nights at PB to party, or we’d saunter to Mission beach for a bonfire, back when you were allowed to have fun at the beach. Taking the twist and turns and sideroads through El Cajon, driving past and over the trolley tracks. I watched them build the mall by my house parent’s house. I guess I’m missing my childhood, my memories. I’d look at a place and think hey remember when. Now I have to think of a memory to see a place I miss. I even miss driving past my old high school, hanging out in the stands. I think Chris and I need to start planning a vacation. Although now that Wes moved, we really have no one to check in on them. I’d be too worried, but I don’t want to go alone. I don’t mind, but I want a vacation with my hubby.

I’m feeling weighed down by life. I feel no balance, no time for everything. I need to balance that out.

I’ve been thinknig about this job at surprise parties. This will be the third time we couldn’t afford to take the opportunity. First we didn’t have the money, second Chris’s truck broke, it broke again, and now he’s staying home for a couple months to help out his parents. I’m just thinking it’s a sign that it’s not meant to be, or that I shouldn’t be going in that direction. I’m going to follow my gut.

TTC is still the same, no changes. We just can’t afford to get the medical treatment right now. We are still trying the natural way, and maybe when the time hits, God will bless us.