Ponderance

Sitting here alone, in the dark corner of my mind, wondering.Thinking. Where will live lead me. What will I do? I’ve always been adventerous and free in my mind. Wild in my own imagination, doing daring and crazy things. A roque, a wanderer, living a carefree life. But it seems responsibility and concern for others, humane feelings, they always hold me back. You can’t just walk away from people. There are rules.

I like my life, as boring as it’s become. Small town life still doesn’t appeal to me, as everyone gets wasted on alcohol, or are drug freaks. I’m so surprise how "cool" these people think they are, when in soberity they look like absolute assholes. I’ve been there, done that, trust me. I thought I looked "cool" then too. Wrong. I was an asshole.

On Alcohol

Having a beer or a couple of drinks once in a while when hanging out with friends, social gatherings, or special occasions is okay.

Drinking at a bar alone waiting for anyone to get off work and join you, so you can drink more together, and by the time that happens your on beer 10 and slurring…asshole.

Flashback

 I’m in my room getting ready for another weekly Friday night high school football game, and dance. The morning before I had grabbed my mom’s bottle of rum, and a 2 liter bottle of coca cola. I took this big water bottle with an orange sleeve on it, and filled it, with both. I took that with me for about four games, before I ran out. I would sneak it in, drink it, and proceed to get absolutely hammered through the game. Then I would run around and act like a 10 year old, screaming and hooting, and cheering. I’d walk up to people I didn’t know and just start talking to them stupidly. Asshole.

When I was 17, almost 18, I went to a memorial party at a friend from works house. Chris didn’t go, so I went with another co worker. He happened to be the bartender. Oh boy! I started off with a beer, and then we started doing shots of tequila and vodka. We were doing lemon drops with the vodka, and tequila shooters with lime. I had bout 10 shots of tequila, and 15 shots of vodka. Me and the party hostess were trying to drink each other under the table. Then it kicked in. I can’t remember most of the night, until I went to go pee, and started to pass out. I instantly knew I had to make myself throw up. So I did, and once I did, I didn’t stop for two straight hours. Laying there with my hostess, vomiting into bowls, while my co worker held my and her hair (btw they got married because of me hooking them up). And once the vomiting had subsides, the hostess roomate threw everyone out. So co worker slowly drove to his house and I tried to call Chris. Co worker dialed, and I then asked Chris to come get me. Except it came out like slurred jibber. If I hadn’t thrown up, I probably would have died. Can anyone say alcohol poisoning? Asshole.

And then drugs. I think it’s mostly white people who do the harder core drugs out here. Most black men, and women, that I’ve talked to, smoke weed and that’s it. I’ve drawn this conclusion, but it doesn’t mean I’m right. I love it when people say I’ve never done drugs, and never will. Good for you! But seriously, if you had cancer, and the pain was so bad, and you knew weed could ease the pain, would you use it? Don’t ever say never, as there is an end to all things in life. People are assholes here, I guess is my point.

But besides 82% of the population out here, the people are nice. They are polite when you don’t surround yourself with those people. I’m not judging anyone, but I won’t sit there and be friends with someone who will only bring their own lives down. I look forward to a nice job, with a nice house, and a kid or two running around. I can’t wait til it all comes together.