Fate Is Amazing

Its early in the morning or late at depending how you see it. I got my migraine of the month today and took a three hour nap. I hate naps. I always wake up groggy and dehydrated. Chris is sleeping like a baby right now. A very loud snoring baby. He has work at 7am and I dont have work till 330pm. I should take some pictures and post them of the cute notes he leaves me when im sleeping. Its just a hey this and that, and then I love you. But the fact that he takes the time to write the note is really sweet to me. Here’s one I just wrote to him:

Chris, Please reset the alarm for 1030am. Have a great day at work today and Ill see you when you get home. I love you always, Heather.

He is so special to me. Im so lucky to be blessed with him. And though he can really REALLY get on my nerves sometimes, you just gotta laugh when he tries to make you smile. Sigh. I am one lucky girl. I never saw myself in the white wedding gown and big wedding when I was little. I never even thought about marriage.

I had so many boyfriends throughout high school its ridiculous. I could only handle about three weeks to a month of one guy before getting bored and finding a new one a week later. Even when I was with my ex, the dreaded Mike, one of my biggest mistakes, we never lasted this long. Of course he was in jail for 50% of the relationship, so I rarely saw him. Which is another subject.

 I can still think back and in my mind with my memories he was a great boyfriend. Treated me well and made me feel like the world. But the things I know, that I dont have memories about prove that he is a horrible person. Addicted to herorin and meth, cheating constantly. I do remember he got another girl pregnant. I do know the day I lost my virginity to him, he had just had sex with the girl he got pregnant. I didnt know that at the time, but I found out when he told me. Thank god I used a condom. Now he has two kids by two different girls, prolly still sleeping around and in and out of jail and rehabs. I dont really care. And I mean I really dont care. I feel absolutely nothing for him. Not hate, not love, no pity sadness, happiness, nothing. He’s just a thought that occurs now and then when I think about how great Chris is. How weird is that? Someone I once used to love and treasure in my life, is now just a passing thought. I do remember that when I met Chris I hadnt talked to Mike in over two years. I was crushing on Chris and we were talking on the phone nightly for hours upon hours, and kinda sorta dating. Then one day out of the blue, the phone rang and when I picked it up lo and behold it was Mike. So he came over and we talked. I even kissed him just to see if it was still there for me. Nope. But I was still kinda torn. I was still getting over him and still hurt from all the betrayal, but I wanted to have him back at the same time. Then there was Chris. I decided that someone new deserved to own my love and my heart and that Mike had passed that up and lost out. Im so happy with my decision. The best one I have made.

Now three years are coming up and it seems surreal. This great man, this great life, is mine. Im so grateful to be given this man’s love and soon to be his wife, and the mother of his children. I wish Mike could see me now. I want him to see how happy I am, I want him to be just a little jealous that he missed out. Im holding myself in high esteem, but when I open up and love someone, I love completely. He had that once, but I dont think it was as great as this is. I dont believe that he loved me the way he said he did, not at all. I think Mike was just a sham, part of doing what it takes to hold someone in your power. An while I gave him all the love I could, I believe if that person doesnt truly love you back, then you cant have that great love like I have now. Really I owe Chris to my mom. She was the one who forced me out of the car and into the resturant to get a job. I just wanted to go home and watch tv. lol. Im so happy she made me get out there and get the job. Fate is an amazing thing.