Cold Blues

I hate cold weather. Hate it. I hate Tennessee in the winter. I want my warm San Diego back. I’ve been feeling pretty blue this morning. Not just because it’s only 9 degrees outside either. My heart feels blue. I miss home. I was happiest there. I’m torn. I love my friends out here. I love them. I love my friends back home. After my in laws aren’t around, it’s just me and Chris. Hopefully a child. We’ve been contemplating a move for our distant future. San Diego is on the list. We could sell this house, and put a down payment on a house out there. Or we could move elsewhere. I don’t know where. I’ve never lived anywhere else. Neither has Chris. Where would we go? Close to friends maybe. I worried San Diego is too expensive, I wish we hadn’t left sometimes. I could have stayed. But Chris and I wouldn’t be married right now. That breaks my heart more to think about. Maybe it’s the cold, or the fact that we are currently very low on money that’s putting my in a funk. We always pull through, and end up stronger in the end. We’ve beaten low times before.

Then there’s the baby thing. Why does 500 bucks seem so hard to come by? Things keep coming up, and delaying the process, and I feel stuck. I want my child so bad. Desperately. I know Chris does too. When? When? When?