You’re in it right now.

I miss the bands and the shows I used to go to. I should just go to the Chance some night and hang out. But it won’t be the same if the gang isn’t there. One of the most random concerts was the Rilo Kiley concert at Vassar. Russ and Todd just wanted me to go. Russ had told me that I would really like this group cause they had a chick. I’d been complaining about the lack of good girl rockers and he told me about Rilo Kiley. So I went with Brandon, who talked on the phone with Kaba until the phone died. Then he and were hanging out. But the group was really amazing.

So what’s the little connection between Boy Meets World and Rilo Kiley? The bully in BMW was a guy named Harley who had two sidekicks, Frankie and Joey. Blake Soper a.k.a. Blake Sennett(Joey) was also in Salute Your Shorts ages ago. Now switch gears, to Troop Beverly Hills. One of the girl scouts was named Hannah Neffler, played by Jenny Lewis. Both Blake and Jenny have been a few other things over the years. They joined together in 1998 to form Rilo Kiley along with Pierre de Reeder (bass) and Dave Rock (drummer). Jason Boesel replaces Dave in late 2001.

So there’s the basic history lesson of Rilo Kiley and the connection to Boy Meets World.

I was so surreal to be sitting at Vassar watching the bully of one of my favorite kid shows rocking out on guitar and voice. Just very strange how that all works. But Blake has definitly changed. And so has Jenny. I didn’t even realize who it was until Russ pointed it out to me. After the show we were all hanging out and I could see that it was them. But it is so strange.

So I love Rilo Kiley, if I haven’t mentioned that enough. They are such an interesting band. And its been a year since their show, but it really was an amazing show.

Alright, enough about Rilo Kiley. I think Loren might come over tonight or hang out or something. Which is cool cause I’ve missed having friends. Kaba left me a note on Xanga saying that she wasn’t ignoring me, she was just giving me space or something. Well, I have so much space, I think the moon is closer to me than she is. I mean at least Loren called. Picked up a phone and called me. I’m sure she knew I was at work, but she wanted to let me know she missed me. Amazing how Kaba could go online and read my Xanga and comment and write in hers, but she couldn’t dial a number (she claims to know by heart) and even say HI I LOVE YOU. Grrrr….

This is just what happened with my gang and I figured if no one else did, Kaba would understand and call me eventually. Oh well. Its how it is.

I haven’t told anyone about Oberlin yet. Its something I’m not so sure I want anyone to know. Because then there will be pressure and just too much. IF I do this, I want it to be me doing it. This needs to be something I do on my own. Not that I don’t think I’ll need help, cause I know I will. But I need to want this enough on my own and that want has to be what drives me to get in and do this, not my parents pressuring me to do it or forcing me to make decisions too early.

I think thats what happened with Crane and everything else. There was too much pressure, too much forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do. And things that I had a choice about. I didn’t have to audition for Crane. On some level I wanted to, but my parents were also pushing and pressuring me. On another probably more important level, I didn’t know that I was bipolar either. But I’m getting things under control slowly. So slowly, I’m moving towards school. I need to gain the momentum at a comfortable rate, not at my parents’ rate. I’m not where I was my senior year in high school. If I had the momentum and desires I had in high school, I could probably get this all done in time to go out there in January. But I’m not there yet. I’m thinking perhaps next Sept. But who knows. I’m ok with waiting until 2006 if I need more classes or something.

I’ll figure it out. I know I will. And I know, because I can sense the things that are starting to sort themselves out in me.

Let’s get together and talk about the modern age.
All of our friends were gathered there with their pets
just talking shit about how we’re all so upset
about the disappearing ground.
As we watch it melt….

It’s all of the good that won’t come out of us
and how eventually our hands will just turn to dust,
if we keep shaking them.
Standing here on this frozen lake.

I do this thing where I think I’m real sick
but I won’t go to the doctor to find out about it
Cause they make you stay real still in a real small space
As they chart up your insides and put them on display.
They’d see all of it, all of me, all of it.

All the good that won’t come out of me
and all the stupid lies I hide behind.
It’s such a big mistake
lying here in your warm embrace.

Oh, you’re almost home.
I’ve been waiting for you to come in.
Dancing around in your old suits going crazy in your room again.
I think I’ll go out an dembarrass myself
by getting drunk and falling down in the street.
You say I choose sadness
that it never once has chosen me.
Maybe you’re right…

Let’s talk about all of our friends who lost the war
And all of the novels that had yet to be written about them.

It’s all the good that won’t come out of them
and all the stupid lies they hide behind.
It’s such a big mistake
Standing here on this frozen lake.

It’s all of the good that won’t come out of me
And how eventually my mouth will just turn to dust
If I don’t tell you quick.
Standing here on this frozen lake

The Good That Won’t Come Out ~ Rilo Kiley