you noticed i’m distracted now

Twelve in12

Currently Reading: Mirror, Mirror by Gregory Macguire

Date:Thursday, 10/25/2007Time:11:26pmMood Level:Depressed, then ElevatedSeverity:Moderate (significant impact, able to work)Anxiety:2=ModerateIrritability:0=NoneHours Slept:less than 6 hoursMedication:Lamitcal 50mg, Topomax 25 mg, Generic Migraine Relief

So most of the stressing today had to do with my recital being so close. I took a long hot shower this morning, which felt really good. I’m trying a new conditioner for brunettes. We’ll see how it works. I got my entire kitchen cleaned, including the fridge. It was really pretty bad, so I feel much better now that everything is clean and fresh. Its amazing how good it feels once cleaning is done. Tomorrow I attack my bedroom and the living room. The living room really isn’t all that bad, and neither is my room. I’ve worked on both a little. But I decided to focus on the kitchen today to just get something done. It felt nice. I also finished the Psych chapter reading. It just feels like some things are under control. Some things. Not everything, but some things.

I got two bras that I ordered. The other four should be arriving tomorrow. Out of the two that I have now, one of them actually works pretty good. I used it in my dress rehearsal tonight and it worked really well. I still need to get some body tape for the very top of the dress. Although I did make it through the entire dress without showing anything that shouldn’t be shown. Both Dave and Jesse liked the dress. So did Doc and Dan, another percussionist who showed up later. I was going to try having my hair down, but its just too warm for that. I think I want it up tight on the back of my head with pieces framing my face. I need to call the salon. Details, details. If I can’t get an appointment, I can do it myself.

The dress itself went really really well. I used a really easy reed when I practiced with Jesse, but decided to try using a stiffer reed for dress. I thought it would wear me out and I wouldn’t be able to make it through. But we did every piece, just about straight through and I wasn’t tired. Other than it being 10pm and I was just physically tired. My lips weren’t falling out or anything. Doc’s been praising me a lot lately. I don’t know if its part of a psychological approach. Don’t freak the student out this close to recital; positive reinforcement only. But she has given me criticism. I don’t know. I feel like I’m really playing well. And I’m not sure people like Oboe Heather or Dan would bullshit me. Especially Dan. He went out of his way to say he wanted to come to the recital and that he thought I sounded really good. I’m just feeling pretty good about playing. I want to play more. I want to play all the time. Which I suppose is the point. I’m really excited about my recital. As much as I want it to be done with so I can stop stressing, I want to actually play it. I love to play, and when I stop overthinking and stressing, when I just play from my heart, I remember why I love to play. I enjoy it all over again. I can’t wait for my recital. I’m excited and exhausted and full of anticipation. Is it Saturday yet? I wanna play! I love to play!

I’ve never any time to play
It always seems to slip away
But it never really goes by
While I wait here with my lullaby
For our only try

Sing with your head up
With your eyes closed
Not because you love the song
Because you love to sing
Because you love to sing, oh

You saw this frustration on my brow
You noticed I’m distracted now
I’m thinking only of my billfold
And how I want to face you with diamonds and gold
In my head, in my head

Sing with your head up
With your eyes closed
Not because you love the song
Because you love to sing
Because you love to sing, oh

You Love to Sing ~ Copeland