World of Polarisms

I’m miserable. I’m ecstatic. My apartment is a prison. The school is my heaven.

I can’t keep living in these bipolar worlds. I’ll crack and break completly. That or I’ll just go crazy again. From the hours of 9am to about 9pm I’m in my fifth or sixth level of heaven. (London Symphony is seventh.) I’m learning and expanding and changing and getting better every day. I’m practicing and meeting people and creating bonds with people. I come home and crash to hell.

This is bad. This is so bad and so not working. I can pretend and make people believe that I’m happy or at least surviving, but I’m really not. Laura and Sarah walked into my apartment tonight. When we left all Laura could say was “I’m sorry. Come live with me.” It took not even thirty seconds for them to see how horrible it is to live here. And I would take Laura up on her offer, but I don’t want to be paying for an apartment I’m living in.

I also don’t want to swipe Jenn’s feet out from underneath her. I want to talk to her, explain to her why I can’t stay here. I’m not going to give her an ultimatum, because no one responds well to those. But she’s not doing ANYTHING to help the situation. Not like she needs to help me, but she doesn’t do a thing to help the situation at all.

I’m going home this weekend, tomorrow actually. I’m going to talk to my parents because I can’t stay here. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I know Laura would let me stay with her as much as I need to. I’ll leave some of my stuff here and come back here sometimes, but maybe I’ll just sort of move in with Laura. I think she and I might really work.

Thats all I got right now. Someone who is willing to work with me and make something, anything better than what I’ve got.

So yah….