Will the red sun rise?

Oh goodness.

Mike’s on his way to Africa.
I hate my roommates; they have way too much drama.
I’m dreading next semester and living in this apartment.
I have three finals and six juries in three days next week.
I’m sick with a cold.
My spring semester just got changed AGAIN.
My therapist told me she was impressed that I haven’t turned homicidal yet.
My sanity is hanging on by a thread that I can’t even see anymore.
I’m so stressed I don’t know if I’ll cry or flip out and kill someone.
Mike’s gone.

Most of that wants to make me cry. I love Sarah to death, I really do, but I’m so emotionally stretched at the moment I can’t take laughing at everything anymore. Something needs to be done, but its going to cost lots and lots. So yah, all I want to do is curl up into a little ball and cry until the world goes away.

I’m really afraid of what happens next. I’m standing on the edge of that familiar abyss and it would be so easy to just jump in. Its so familiar down there, but instead I’m standing with my back to the darkness and trying to ignore that its there. I’m thinking this is going to end badly.

This is a war we live
And the sides are drawn, sides are drawn
And we’re all wrapped up in fatigues
And they wear us out, wear us out
There is a storm at sea
If we fly a white flag under a black and blue sky
Will the red sun rise?
(The taste of your kerosene lips burn me up)
If we fly a white flag under a black and blue sky
Will the red sun rise?
(Eyes glare from your enemy sights make me go blind)
Blinds divide the sunlight into thin strips
The size of a blade
In this trench that we dig for ourselves
Fourscore and fade
Glare with the enemy heat of the bodies in the bed
There’s no retreat
This is our war we live in
We’re up in arms, up in arms
With our heads pressed against the wall
And it’s wearing thin, wearing thin
These are the screams
(We swallow)
If we fly a white flag under a black and blue sky
Will the red sun rise?
(The taste of your kerosene lips burn me up)
If we fly a white flag under a black and blue sky
Will the red sun rise?
(Eyes glare from your enemy sights make me go blind)
This is a war
Administer the pill
(Keep fighting)
Before the cell divides
(Keep marching)
We’ll both go down like toy soldiers
(This is a war)
Threats and picket lines are forming around our beds
And the landmines in our chests will all go off in time
If we trip eachother into this
Do you think we’ll find a way out?
We’ve synthesized a compound to retreat/treat this conscience, it’s:
One part loss
One part no sleep
One part the gun shot we heard
One part the screams mistaken for laughter
One part everything after
One part love
One part stepping out of the driving rain
One part parting ways in the cold apartment
Don’t look back
Just keep running down the stairs
Do you hear the footsteps?
Can you hear the voices in the traffic?
Communiques in the attic?
They say, after time, all this will heal
We will rebuild
And these broken arms will
(Mend themselves in our embrace)

Marches and Maneuvers ~ Thursday