Where’s my Aaron?

 Its still the first, technically, I’m making it.

I didn’t go to work today.  I had migraine and didn’t feel well; stayed up too late last night and…  Well, I couldn’t get myself to get out of bed.  I hate this feeling.  I was hoping it would never come back again.  But I didn’t want to face anyone.  I couldn’t call or email or anything.  The more I thought about it, the more upset I became and the less I was able to do anything.  It took me all day to get myself together enough to come to church and do work.  Which I haven’t done any of yet.  Even the meeting with the 5 people on the Worship Committee was a little overwhelming for me.

God, I hate being like this.  I hate how social awkward and anxious I can become.  All I want to do is hide under my covers and never be looked at again.  How can I be a leader when this is how I feel most of the time?  How can God be calling me to a lifestyle that goes against every grain in my body?  How can I really be the right person for this?  It just doesn’t seem possible.

I need an Aaron.  I’m like Moses, who begged God not to send him before Pharaoh.  I stutter and say the wrong thing, laugh in the wrong places and never really know the right answer.  How was Moses supposed to stand up to the most powerful man in Egypt, and ask him to release all his slaves?  God sent Moses Aaron to walk along side him, to help him face Pharaoh.  He didn’t let him get away with it, and didn’t tell Moses, "Oh, I’ll send someone else because you’re scared."  God still asked Moses to go and speak for him.  But at least Moses got Aaron.  Who is my Aaron? Where is my Aaron?  Why don’t I get an Aaron?