what makes a person so poisonous righteous

I’m tired. I’m so tired of the arguing and the fighting. The whole thing still gets to me. I’m sorry about the London bombings, but I’m sick of being told I shouldn’t be a proud American. I’m tired of being told that as a patriot of my country, I’m a horrible person.

I think more than anything, I’m tired of people who don’t listen to the whole argument. People who latch onto one idea and blow it out of proportion. I’m tired of people who’s maturity level is below where I need them to be. Their goals, and their meaning to life is so different from mine, I’m not sure its worth it. I hate arguing with idiots because they don’t think or realize what they are saying. I hate arguing with someone who’s only comeback is “You’re a fucked-up bitch.” Fine, I’m a fucked-up bitch. Give me a reason. That’s your thesis. Now support your point of view.

Maybe its all the fighting my father and I have done over the years. He’s taught me how to debate. He’s taught me that if I’m upset about something, I can’t just slam my door and call him a jerk. He won’t understand my problem. But if I go to him and say “This is my problem. These are my reasons,” he can understand what I’m feeling and where I’m coming from. Its a rationalization. I’ve been allowed to do many different things because I argue for them. Not whine and scream and cry, but present my case. I swear its the lawyer in my father that brings all this out. And I think I do a pretty ok job. I can present my case and my reasons. Maybe I don’t always win, but at least my father will see my point of view.

I think that’s why I get so frustrated with people who don’t listen to me. Who would rather insult me and suggest inappropriate relationships with my mother, than argue any real point. I think I’m pretty open-minded. I have my beliefs and my ideas, but I’m willing to change them and admit when I’m wrong. But don’t call me names and expect me to react positively.

Now I see nothing wrong with losing your temper and screaming and cursing for a few minutes. But then take a breath and present your arguement. Lay out your facts, your feelings, your beliees. What ever and let me hear them out.

I have horrible self-esteem issues. I’m not sure why and they are different than what other people seem to have. I like to look nice and dress up, but there are some days when I’m in my old jeans and comfy sweatshirt and I could care less what I look like. My self-esteem issues have to do with my personality and my actions towards people. I’m always afraid that I’m too egotistical (which is a trait I really hate), or too emotional. I’m afraid I’m too self-absorbed and selfish. I’m afraid people will see me as lazy and inconsiderate. I’m afraid people will see me as weak and stupid. I’m afraid they will focus on my failures and miss my achievements. And that makes me feel egotistical. I’m afraid they will mistake my confidence for snootiness and my quietness for being pompous. I’m afraid they will mistake my helpful suggestions and being bossy and pushy. I’m afraid they’ll mistake my smile of greeting as my laughing at them. I’m afraid they’ll see me as unstable and crazy, untrustworthy and a liar.

we got a call to write a song about the war in the gulf
but we shouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings
so we tried but gave up ’cause there was no such song
but the trying was very revealing
what makes a person so poisonous righteous
that they think less of anyone who just disagrees
she’s just a pacifist
he’s just a patriot
if i said you were crazy, would you have to fight me?
fighters for liberty
fighters for power
fighters for longer turns in the shower
and history seems to agree that I would fight you for me

so we read and we a watched all the specially selected news
and we learned so much more about the good guys

won’t you stand by the flag was the question unasked
won’t you stand by and fight for the allies
what can we say? we’e only twenty five years old
with 25 sweet summers, and hot fires in the cold
this kind of life makes that violence unthinkable
we’d like to play hockey, have kids and grow old

fighters for texaco
fighters for power
fighters for longer turns in the shower

don’t tell me i can’t fight cause i’ll punch out your lights
and history seems to agree that i would fight you for me
that us would fight them for we

he’s just a peacenik and she’s just a warhawk
that’s where the beach was, that’s just the sea
what could we say we’re only twenty-five years old
and history seems to agree that i would fight you for me
that us would fight them for we
is that how it always will be?

Gulf War Song ~ Moxy Fruvous