we’re burning bridges down

So we finally talked. It was weird and good and nice and bad all at the same time. I’ve decided that I don’t have a lot of friends who stick around like he did. He never abandoned me, so I really do have to give him credit for that. Anyways, he’s a good guy. An asshole, but a good guy at heart. So we talked a little. It was good. I might see him before he leaves on Sat, but I might not. I’ve decided I’m not sure I really care either way. What happens, happens. Except I’m not sleeping with him. That’s a definite…..

I’m not sleeping right now either actually. I’m tired, but I just can’t get to sleep. So here I sit.

This weekend was a lot of fun. Friday night was kind of a bust. My parents were supposed to leave, but they didn’t. I ended up sitting home alone eating microwave pizza. But Saturday I called Bubba and we went to an orchestra concert that Tbone was playing in. And my little brother was there, so it was a lot of fun. After the concert, we went to the diner (cause what else is there to do.) Bubba and Tbone and eventually Brian, too, were all singing at the top of their lungs every moment we were in the call. I kept trying to call Nathan, but he wasn’t home, and besides everytime the machine picked up the boys would start “singing.” It was a lot of fun nontheless.

Sunday night I had a party. I don’t remember the last time I’ve been that drunk. I picked up Nitta, so she was there first. Bubba called and wanted me to wait to make the chicken quasidillas so he could see how they were made. He and Nathan were going to come together, but then they decided to come seperately. Tbone showed up and they were in fine form, terrifying Nitta and Annemarie who eventually got there. I finally sent them to watch MST because Yager and Eric arrived and were really scared. It didn’t quite calm them down, but it contained them somewhat. Nitta and Annemarie were looking through my bartender’s Bible to see what drinks we could make. We tried a few random things, but have settled on Kamikazi as the shot of choice. I don’t even know how many shots we had. Its easy to make and I just kept making them. Nitta agreed with me that it was a great party since it was so drama free. And we did so many shots. Even my little brother was devirginized to vodka. Ahhh, the memories. Yager and I got to bond a little too. It was nice. I adore him and think he’s the coolest and I always regretted that we were never really friends before. So it was good. He was the one who found out one of my neighbors has a wireless network that I can patch into. Well, sort of. Its only in one corner of my house and its relatively weak. But its a good thing since our phones aren’t working. And I need to be able to get online everyday. Or at least close to everyday. Nathan had brought his iPod and was playing various dance music for us. Of course, Annemarie, Nitta and I ended up dancing like morons. Yager evidently has it on videotape and has other various pictures of us all. I haven’t seen them yet and I’m kinda scared. I was pretty drunk. But like Nitta said, it was the best party because there was no petty annoying drama to deal with. Yager, Nitta and I wandered off and had a great talk over some cigarettes too. I don’t think I look at Yager the way Nitta does, as “Yager!” He kinda of reminds me of Settle, but different. He’s like the way I’d want Settle to be. Sort of. I’m not sure how to explain it, but I really adore the kid now. I think he and Nitta and I do think a lot a like. Although he and Nitta have way more history than I do, but thats ok. Eric was over for a while too, with some other kids from DCC that I vaguely remember. It was a long time ago. Anyways, it was a great night. There was drunk dancing, and general fun. I do remember everything, just slightly fuzzy on the order and all the details.

But the wireless network I’m on is being annoying and I’m somewhat more sleepy than thirty minutes ago, so I’m gonna try to get some sleep.

We write to apologize.
We ask to look past life as it goes by.
I know you have sacrificed time,
life, love, time to fly.
Please consider all things trite,
forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by.
I know to have something like this
broken is hard to fix.

Embers, we’re burning bridges down.
Envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

We write to patch things up,
maybe not to agree but to proclaim love.
Let’s look ahead and then we’ll see the One
whose glory never ends.
And based on that we’ll see,
there’ll be room for change, but gradually.
I know to have something like this
broken is hard to fix.

If all is said and done and over,
if we don’t have to, we’re not going to.
Make the change, it’s worth the try.
What’s broken can be fixed tonight.

Embers and Envelopes ~ MAE