tryin to drink whisky from a bottle of wine

So over a year ago, I made a whole lot of bad decisions. I was trying to get out of the apartment hell I was living in, and attempting to deal with it anyway I could. Between the drinking (and there was a lot) and the buying of things when I finally did move, I racked up quite a debt on my credit cards. And its been killing me slowly. But I stopped using them about this time last year. I was able to pay down some of it, but not all of it. Then school started up again and I don’t make as much money during the school year as I do during the summer. My funds quickly diminished, but I was careful and stuck to my budget. I’ve been paying everything with cash and haven’t used the credit cards once in the past year. And I’ve been doing well since then. But I know I screwed up. And I’ve been so embarrased and upset about it. I didn’t want to tell my parents because I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me. I’ve been doing so well with everything since I “fell off the financial wagon”. I’ve even been cutting back on my food budget. My dad has told me that he’s so proud of how I’ve been handling everything, especially the problems I’ve had this semester. He told me he knows things have been hard, but he can see I’ve been fighting and he’s really proud of me. For maybe the first time in my life, I feel like my dad is actually proud to call me his daughter. Like he brags to his friends and strangers about his great kid. I don’t always think this happens, and I don’t know why. But I know I’ve made decisions that he doesn’t always agree with and he’s not always proud of the decisions I’ve made. So its been a strained relationship that lately has been really good. And I didn’t want to mess it up.

But today I told him. I called him to talk about my senior recital and his trip to Florida. We talked about a lot of things, including this amazing oboe/English horn case I want to buy this summer. Its about $900 but its got a FREE LIFETIME CRAFTMANSHIP GUARANTEE. If anything goes wrong, they pay the shipping and the replacement. If it needs to be overhauled, all I pay is the shipping. They are amazing cases! I have money from my great-grandfather in the form of stocks and such to be used for my education and things like that. When I turned 21, my father lost control of that money and legally he can’t tell me what to do with it. Or stop me from spending it. But I do value his opinion and he holds the power of attorney because I don’t really know how to do all that. I’d need an attorney anyways and he’ll do it for free. So I talked to him about the case and he said he felt it was a good idea. I could get the same case I have now for a little bit less than the Wiseman, but I’d have to replace them again in a few years. So in the long run, the Wiseman is so much better. But talking about using that money to buy the case opened me up to him asking about my credit card debt. So I told him and he actually took it really well. I told him I was afraid of becoming my uncle who has so many financial problems now. He told me that he didn’t think I would. He said its good if I haven’t been using my credit cards, paying them off and sticking to a budget. So he said he would help me out, so I could stop paying the interest on my credit cards. The whole conversation went so much better than I could have hoped. And its a weight off my shoulders.

I also feel like I’m feeling stronger and better. Grad school is no longer looking like a pipe dream and I’m getting excited about next year. Kelly and I are moving in together. While I’ve always sworn I don’t live well with other people, I would like to try it. I want to know what it would be like to have to deal with someone else in the hosue. Besides I do think it would be good for me to have someone around. She’ll only be here for the semester and then she’s student teaching. I’ll have to find another roommate in the Spring, but that’s probably a good thing. I only have to deal with her and then someone else for a semester. But Kelly and I are both excited about it. We’re trying to find an apartment because the place I’m in now is just too small for me to deal with sharing. There are townhouses owned by my landlord which would work, but Kelly and I also found a really awesome apartment that is cheaper. I also wouldn’t have to find a roommate in the spring. But I would like to try. I want to know that I can deal with living with someone. Or else I might not ever be able to get married!

When I look back boy I must have been green
Bopping in the country, fishing in a stream
Looking for an answer trying to find a sign
Until I saw your city lights honey I was blind

They said get back honky cat
Better get back to the woods
Well I quit those days and my redneck ways
And oh the change is gonna do me good

You better get back honky cat
Living in the city ain’t where it’s at
It’s like trying to find gold in a silver mine
It’s like trying to drink whisky from a bottle of wine

Well I read some books and I read some magazines
About those high class ladies down in New Orleans
And all the folks back home well, said I was a fool
They said oh, believe in the Lord is the golden rule

They said stay at home boy, you gotta tend the farm
Living in the city boy, is going to break your heart
But how can you stay, when your heart says no
How can you stop when your feet say go

Honky Cat ~ Elton John