too late to recover me

Ok – so the next phase of the Apartment Saga has taken place. Its a small step, but a step nevertheless. I went and saw Tracy this morning. Could not get to sleep last night. I played WoW until around 1am. I reached the point in a quest where I couldn’t go any further at the level I am at. I need to go grind and work up my level. But it was a good point to stop and go to bed. Well, at least try. I got into bed and flipped through channels for a while. Nothing doing. Nothing good on TV (except the interview with Mack on Carson Daly). I turned off the TV and flipped over. And over. And over. The clock flashed 2:05, then 3:25, then 4:14, and the last time I saw was 5:28. My alarm went off around 7:45 as I watched the numbers click into place. This is not good. I should take some Seroquel to sleep, but the problem with Seroquel is that it will knock me out for about 24 hours. I don’t have 24 hours right now to spend in a drug-induced haze. I need to be alert and able to do things.

Like practice, look for apartments and pack. Like any of the things I should be doing instead of sitting here writing on OD. But right now, this is what I need. Actually what I really need is to know if I’m moving across the hall or across town. I brought the letter to my landlords this morning and spoke briefly with them. They still don’t know what they can do for me yet. Dave said he needed to read the letter and talk with Mike and corporate. He said he’d give me a call later today and let me know if he knows anything. So I should probably be packing or apartment searching. But I’m not. Bleh. I really want to know what’s going on. I want to know where I’m living already.

Yeah, I should go apartment hunting. Operative word there is should.

All that you suffer is all that you are
All that you smother is all that you are
And you’re saying you’re seeing, you’re saying who you are
What takes meaning is cleaning the meaning of who you are

All may say
I will dream
All may say

All your struggles beneath your disguise
Drink from the reasons that hold you alive
‘Til we’re safe from the wounds of desire and pain
You must rise from the mounds of desire and change

Too late to discover peace of mind
Too late to recover me

All you see and all you breathe and all you cease to be
Taken down your only son and what he means to me
Your dream will be
To dream with me

Will you wait? Yes I will, I will wait for you
To cleanse your life takes more than time
Take what you want
Take all of it

Too late to discover peace of mind (have no peace of mind)
Too late to recover

Suffer ~ Smashing Pumpkins