Thoughts

A few things before I collapse into my bed….

John Miller was a friend of mine.  He was a classmate, a locker buddy (sort of) and a fellow musician.  In the past few years, he and I have shared a mutual friend and we’ve "passed messages" between us through the friend.  I heard when he graduated college and got his first teaching job.  I told him to be like our band teacher, only better.  He heard when I finally went back to playing oboe and college.  He told me that I was a better oboist and musician than anyone he had ever met at Yale.  We were friends, though at a distance.  Thursday morning, his body was found outside one of the buildings at Yale.  Authorities think it was a suicide.  I’m shocked and saddened and not really anything at all.  In a very sick and twisted way, suicide no longer shocks me.  It saddens me for sure.  But I’ve had too many people in my life commit suicide… its like the shock value of it is gone for me.  I only get upset when I think about a wonderful life that is over.  I feel nothing when I think that he was the one who ended it.

I’m honestly waiting for the rage to come.  With Graser, with Matthew Z, with Brett, with Edmund – I grieved and then I raged.  I was sad and then I was angry.  So I’m waiting for the rage to come.  And for reality to hit…

Below is a link I want to read when I’m more awake.  I think, in a very unique way, it helps me understand why the CRC and western Michigan are the way they are.  Why they are so closed-off and high-and-mighty and impenatrable.  Not spelled right, but I don’t care at this moment.

CRC and RCA

And now I’m collapsing….