this is getting old
The late night girl discussions show the age of those involved. Megan and I used to talk about make-up and music and boys. Jr High dating crap. Who likes who, when to break up – nothing was ever permanent or really all that serious. Just don’t tell the jr high versions of us that!
We’ve grown older, and our discussions have shifted to how to raise kids and maintain a healthy marriage. I’m so happy she’s going through it all first. I swear, when I get pregnant for the first time, she’s going to be placed on notice! She and I are very similar, so I’m happy I know I’ll have a friend who’s already gone through it all. And while there is a TMI line with us, neither of us have any problem talking up and over that line if its relevant to the conversation. Tonight’s topic had to do with porn and sexual fantasies. Not exactly the type of conversation I thought I’d be having with a girlfriend when we were all in jr high, but it works for us now.
I have no drama in my life for the most part right now, so I’m thriving off the small drama in her life and the soap opera drama we both watch. She and I have been General Hospital junkies since we first became friends. Its only slightly pathetic that the highlight of both of our days is our nightly discussions of what happened on GH and what might be coming next. More pathetic is the fact that both of us check online to see what gossip we can dig up about the actors and their contracts, or even upcoming storylines. Really, we are only slightly pathetic.
But in all honesty, I have no real life right now. I go to class in the morning and study in the afternoon. I’m starting to reorganize stuff in anticipation for moving out of here, but not much else. There is no one in town to hang out with, though sadly at this point I don’t want to see anyone. Its still that social anxiety thing. But whatever. I spend time playing with my cat and putting off doing laundry. I do have things I could be doing for the fall, but that involves talking to people and I’m not really there yet. Though there are a few things I need to get in gear about. I keep putting them off until after my theory class is finished.
Hence, the lack of writing. I don’t have much to say about anything. By the time Megan and I get off the phone, my GH fix is over and I have no desire to record my pathetic days. I should probably practice, but I can’t seem to get into the mood.
Ehh, I’m basically a giant loser these days. Although that’s not such a bad thing sometimes. I like simple. Life should be more simple and less complicated. So I’m enjoying the short amount of time I have when it is like that. Or at least when I can pretend its simple and easy.
Breathe in right away,
Nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time,
Take your lies get off my case
Someday I will find a love
That flows through me like this
This will fall away,
this will fall away
You’re getting closer to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser
And sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope,
I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser, I’m a loser, yeah
This is getting old,
I can’t break these chains that I hold
My body’s growing cold,
There’s nothin left of this mind
Or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier,
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away,
This will fall away
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope and
I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope
And I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser
Loser ~ 3 Doors Down