The weather forecast was right.

Anger

Immense and nearly uncontrollable. I want to hurt him, make him know how he hurt me. I want revenge and I want him to feel the pain I’ve been feeling and everything I had to go through because of him. I want him to lose his self-worth and everything he’s worked so hard for. I want his world to come crumbling down around him until there is nothing left that he can recognize except me, standing there with my back turned as he screams for redemption.

I want her to feel betrayal. I want her to watch her best friend become a two-faced stranger. I want to break any bonds she’s ever had with anybody. I want to slice up her world and tear those who love her away. I want to reveal all her lies and secrets to the world, so she is left with nothing to call her own. I want her brothers to deny her, her dogs to ignore her and her parents to disown her. I want her friends to stick their daggers in her back. I want her last words to echo Caeser’s – “Et tu, Brutus.” I want her world to come crumbling down around her until there is nothing left except me, standing there with my back turned and she screams for redemption.

Agony

The three words that destroy my facade when spoke sincerely have been uttered and I’m no longer in control. My castle was made with bits of string and paper, delicately balanced against the elements. But all it took was one person working opposite the wind to destroy everything I thought was so strong. Its amazing how fast the walls were ripped apart and all my skin exposed. The string was thrown away like a cigarette from a car window. The paper melted away, leaving not ever a speck of ash to remind me of what was once there. My world has come crumbling down around me until there is nothing left except Him, standing there with His back turned as I scream for redemption.

Lonliness

Everyone trys, offering their stories, advice and trying to make “normal” seem less desirable. Normal is a relative term. And I want to be able to relate to people again. But I can’t and I’m left standing alone against the fury of my emotions. All of a sudden, the wheel is grabbed out of my hands and I no longer have control of the car. I’m forced to hang out and ride out the storm. I saw it coming. Like a weather forecast, I watched the all the signs predict the coming storm. And like a stubborn family, who refuses to leave their precious home behind, I wouldn’t leave off the course of destruction. No one understands. But that’s not really me talking. Yet no one understands how that is not me, and not being me. Truth is stranger than fiction and I like in a real-life twilight zone. You can’t imagine what I see and what I go through. I reach out for something to hold on to and I’m grasping at air.

My sanity is like sand. The tighter I clench my fist, the more it slips away.