The Wanderer’s Guild

i can speak when i want to
and pour my voice til it burns
through the core of my own throat
i’ll speak until the demands gone

you should be downstairs with them
youre wasting your time again
listen im fine now
listen im fine now
listen im fine now

i dont want to talk right now
thank you for your concern

i could speak til the world ends
to make up for all that i left out
i’ll register with the wanderers guild
and be nomad with a billion words

you should be downstairs with them
youre wasting your time again
listen im fine now
listen im fine now
listen im fine now

i dont want to talk right now
thank you for your concern

air conditioning you can stay quiet all night
air conditioning you can stay quiet all night

listen im fine now
listen im fine now
listen im fine now

i dont want to talk right now
thank you for you concern

listen im fine now
listen im fine now
listen im fine now

i dont want to talk right now
thank you for your concern

The Wanderer’s Guild ~ Armor for Sleep
The verses are very true of me. I can talk away on almost any topic. I can speak when i want to and pour my voice til it burns. Just keep talking until people forget that something was bothering me. I’ll speak until the demands gone. I’ll change the topic and just fly with it. But there are a few people who see through that all. They know I’m just wandering through thoughts trying to avoid whatever the problem really is. Be nomad with a billion words.
The chorus of this song is what really caught my attention. These friends worry about me and try to get me to talk to them. Whether or not something really is wrong, I usually don’t want to talk about it. So I tell them Listen I’m fine now. I don’t want to talk right now. Thank you for your concern. Or at least something to that effect. This is songs reminds me of Manny and Brian as well because of the other part of the chorus. You should be downstairs with them. You’re wasting your time again. He always would spend time with me and be there for me, especially when I didn’t want to talk. I felt guilty because I thought he shouldn’t waste his time trying to help me. Rather he should be having fun with his friends. Thankfully, he never listened to me.

>
Next morning I get coffee and pancakes with Alexis and she’s kinda complaining about Matt, what else is new. Then he shows up and wants her to drive him home. She doesn’t want to. He basically won’t take no for an answer and keeps pushing until she agrees. SHe goes to class. He was planning on skipping the rest of the day so he could go with her. But then he asks if I think he’s being pushy. I told him yes and told him and parts of what Lex told me and what I picked up. But I also told him that Alexis really needs to tell him. He got mad and stormed off to class. The Lex shows up, all upset (not really at me) and storms home. And THEN Russ walks in and I’m like “RUSS I LOVE YOU, but I hate your cell.” So I brought him up to speed with what had happened. And he said what is really really true. That Manny and I can not be friends because we were together. And I agree with him. He was wonderful and I love Russ. We had an awesome talk. And then Todd and Mark and other people showed up and I felt loved. Especially when they were trying to talk me out of hanging out in the lounge. “You can have the 13 friends we give you and that’s it. No more.” They are so cute. Just like Bobby. So I stayed there until they all left for class. Russ gave me a hug and was like “It will all be ok.” He’s great. He’s looking out for his best friend, but he’s not hanging me out to dry in the process. So I went to the lounge and Jace and Becca and I went to Jace’s for munchies. The car ride and discussions were cool. Showed me that my first instinct of Jace being one of the good guys was completely correct. It was cool. Then Bec, Rad and I went to see Bowling for Columbine. Weird, creepy, mind-thinking stuff. But very good. Then orchestra then home. Dum Dum Dooooommm…..

I was talking to Eric online who was being funny about Montana when Manny sent me an email. I think i freaked Eric out cause i ended up telling him about how my week sucked among other frustrations I know he understands. And he said the sweetest thing. “I don’t like instant messaging because I can’t see your face.” On one hand, my heart was breaking cause of all the stuff with Manny, and then Eric, wonderful, perfect Eric is breaking it in his own way too. He was telling me about his friends out there. And I am so happy for him, but at the same time, I am SOOOOO jealous! I don’t want to lose him to another girl (not like he’s mine anyways). So I realized that 1) I needed to deal with the Manny emotions that were bubbling over right then. And 2) I needed to do that before I blurted to Eric all the things I really want to say. So I told Eric I needed sleep and signed off and broke down cause of Manny’s email. The email is the next entry but its private cause I want to be able to read it but I don’t want to share it. So its not open to read. But the story continues in the following entry.