the life i love is makin music with my friends

Twelve in12

Currently Reading: Mirror, Mirror by Gregory Macguire

Date:Saturday, 10/27/2007Mood Level:DepressedSeverity:Moderate (significant impact, able to work)Anxiety:3=SevereIrritability:2=ModerateHours Slept: 6 HoursMedication:75mg Lamictal, 25mg Topomaz, geneteric Migraine relief
Date:Sunday, 10/28/2007Mood Level:DepressedSeverity:Moderate (significant impact, able to work)Anxiety:1=MildIrritability:2=ModerateHours Slept:6 HoursMedication:75mg Lamictal
Date:Monday, 10/29/2007Mood Level:DepressedSeverity:Moderate (significant impact, able to work)Anxiety:3=SevereIrritability:2=ModerateHours Slept:10 HoursMedication:75mg Lamictal

Saturday was recital day, and I really think that was the biggest part of my issues. But as much as everything was going on, I’m pretty sure a large part of me was depressed. I was happy to have my parents and Shazar around. Sarah was great, checking in and doing what she could. My dad was, well, not being the annoying dad. I know a lot of things were annoying to him, or stupid. But he knew they were important to me and he didn’t flip out or anything. I also tried really hard not to flip out at my mother. Which really worked. The only thing that tipped me was when I found out the visiting pro-wind quintet had moved their concert into the recital hall. Their concert was going till 4:30 and my recital was supposed to start at 4:45. That would have given me 15 minutes to do everything I needed to do, AFTER the quintet finally left the hall. They were supposed to be in a different hall. I wanted to get to the hall I was using about 4pm, so I could change into my dress, set up the stage, warm up a little and take care of all those other little things that needed to be done. It ended up being okay. I took control and just moved the recital time to 5pm so I could have enough time. I think I ended up starting at 5 minutes to 5 instead, but still. The quintet moved their concert time and ended about 4:20. But then they dragged their feet and took forever moving out. Eventually they did get out and I got everyone who was wandering in and out of the green room to finally leave. Sip was, well, more annoyingly excitable than usual. She was going so fast and hard. It was making me nuts. I wanted to relax and breathe for a moment. Enjoy what was going on. And I did. At least I think I did. Everytime I was about to jump forward, onto stage, into the next movement, I would stop and take a breath before jumping. But the weekend was a little bit of a blur. There were people I missed.

This was a monumental moment for me. For the first time, in a very long time, I was able to begin making new memories. Memories that replace the older, crueler memories. I wish some people had been there though. There are people who have been through all the crap with me, and they deserved to see this moment. Manny, Settle, Bubba, Feather, my grandparents, Mr. Allen, Jenn. I wanted them to be here to see that I can do it. That I actually accomplished this.

Now I don’t want to go do anything else. I want to practice and make reeds and prepare for the next recital. I don’t want to stop playing ever again.

On the road again
Just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Goin’ places that I’ve never been
Seein’ things that I may never see again,
And I can’t wait to get on the road again.

On the road again
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
We’re the best of friends
Insisting that the world be turnin’ our way
And our way
Is on the road again
Just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again
Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
We’re the best of friends
Insisting that the world be turnin’ our way
And our way
Is on the road again

Just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin’ music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

On the Road Again ~ Willie Nelson