the girl before, that discourteous bear

Twelve in12

Reading
Queen’s Play ~ Dorothy Dunnett
The Other Boleyn Girl ~ Philippa Gregory
Myst: The Book of Ti’ana ~ Rand Miller

Finished
Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire
Witchling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Changeling ~ Yasmine Galenorn
Something Wicked ~ Catherine Mulvany
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ~ J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ~ J.K. Rowling
Myst: Book of Atrus ~ Rand Miller, Robyn Miller and David Wingrove
The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett

I think I’ve reached a new level of tiredness.  Beyond exhaustion, beyond, sleepy, beyond coffee.  Yes, I said beyond coffee.  Friday night was my last good night of sleep.  About six hours between the heat and humidity.  Friday was spent begining the move and cooking for the crew.  Manny got asked to direct a music video and they got a permit to do the shoot in some warehouse in Buffalo.  So he and two friends were coming to spend Friday night here, shoot on Saturday, back here to sleep again and then drive back to the city.  I had offered to cook up the leftover chicken I had since I wasn’t going to be eating it anyways.  So I spent time on Friday doing that and going to Walmart to get a drawer set for my clothes.  My old apartment had built in closets in the bedrooms, but also had drawers and two desks attached to one wall.  There were all shelves hanging on the walls above the desks.  While my new apartment is definitly bigger (and nicer) there are no built in drawers, desks or shelves and the closet is a bit smaller.  Considering my closet here was already crammed full, I’m been trying to discover other ways to store my clothes.  Keep in mind I’m only staying at this place for a year, then its grad school.  I don’t want to get nice furniture yet, beause I’m poor and because I don’t need it yet.  I make what I have work out fine.  Anyways, with those space saver bags and one big sterlite drawer set from Walmart, I don’t need to figure it out right now.  Which means Mom and Dad can help over the summer while I’m home.  But I still needed to buy the drawer set, so I was busy running around cooking, buying, setting up, measuring, boxing, moving, and unpacking most of Friday.  Manny called around 7 and said they were leaving earlier than expected and it would only be him and one other person, Jimmy.  They were planning on getting in until closer to 5 in the morning, so I was planning on going to bed and half waking up whenever they arrived.  But as they would arrive closer to 2am, I didn’t want to go to sleep and have to wake up so soon.  So I kept boxing, moving and unpacking.  Once they got here we chatted for a while and I watched one of Jimmy’s short films.  I still wanted to do some packing of clothes and Manny actually wanted to stay up and talk, so that worked out okay.  Except I didn’t get nearly as much done with Manny lying on my bed whining about how tired he was.  I only felt a little sorry for him, because he definitly does it to himself.  When I used to bitch about being tired, he would tell me to get over it and get some sleep.  So now its flipped and I get punchy. Anyways, he went to be after 4am and I went to bed closer to 6am (caught a second wind!).  Manny had asked if the boys could come over in the morning before they left to organize and check equipment.  I didn’t care, and they were here at 8am.  I know I could have stayed in bed, but Russ was one of those boys and I wanted to see him.  I also figured if anyone wanted eggs or something I could make food and then I would also be awake when they left and I’d start working.  Which I did.

It was hot.  I was alone, moving everything I own and Kelly’s stuff.  I had only my car and eventually Dustin’s little truck.  I could get my car right out side the old apartment, but for the new apartment, I had to walk the stuff down the side walk from the road.  There’s not enough lawn to pull the car onto it.  I was pretty tired, and eventually everything got to me.  I had a huge nervous breakdown and called my mother in tears.  I know she couldn’t do anything and I told her as such, but I needed someone to help me calm down.  And she did.  While we were on the phone, my cousin’s wife, Mary called.  They were driving from Cedar Rapids to Buffalo and wanted to know if they could stop and see me.  My mom told Mary I was moving, but I was pretty stressed out and would probably enjoy the company.  Mary suggested that they possibily help me move some of the things I can’t do on my own (like my couch).  Wonderful news!  They didn’t know excatly when they’d be in town because they were unfamiliar with I-90 and how long sections take.  But I’ve driven it a few times and am definitly more familiar.  So I was able to figure they’d be in town around 8pm.  I agreed to wait to have dinner with them and my mom said she’d pay.  It was wonderful.  There were only a few things I needed help moving, basically because I wasn’t 12 feet tall.  So that helped.

One step at a time forward.  Little by little.  But then there was the realization that I was not going to get everything done unless I stayed up all Saturday night, went to church, came back and continued all day Sunday and sunday night, leaving just in time so I can pull into my job Monday morning.  The biggest set-back had been the thunderstorms.  Thankfully,

it hasn’t been raining all day, but if felt like everytime I got a big pile of things that needed to be trucked up and over to the new place, the heavens would open up.  So I made an executive decision.  I called Bubba and told him I couldn’t work on Monday.  I was willing to switch shifts with someone, but I could not work Monday.  I was nearly in tears and Bubba was so sweet about the whole thing.  He calmed me down and switched his Wednesday night shift with me.  He’s such a sweetheart, he almost made me start crying again.  After that I called my mother and told her I would be coming home on Monday.  That gave me more time on Saturday to just move things (as opposed to needing to pack my car to come home), time on Sunday to move and then time Sunday night to sleep.  It was a good thing I decided to do this because when Mary and everyone got here, the skies opened up.  There was no use waiting around, so we just went to dinner.  It hadn’t stopped by the time we finished, so I just sent them on their way.  Weather here is too unpredictable, and Manny had agreed to help me move things whenever they got back tonight.  It may sound like my cousin (his wife, his best man and his best man’s wife) came, ate, and ran without doing much.  But it was astonishing how much better I felt after a good meal and some good company.  I got out of the heat and was feed food.  It was also my cousin’s birthday.  I felt so much better when they left, and reattacked with new energy.  I tore apart both of the beds, and once I’d done that the rain had stopped.  I was able to manhandle the frames and three of the mattresses onto the truck and into the apartment.  It took more than one trip, but damn it, I did it.  There’s too much stuff to just leave everything in the living room and sort it out later, which is another reason why the move is taking so long.  Hauling things upstairs in 87 degree heat wears you down.  Once I got the mattresses into the apartment, I knew they had to go upstairs.  I got the frames and two of the three up there.  But the last mattress was just too heavy for me to manage stairs on my own.  The same for the boxspring and the bottom of my trundle bed.  I figured out that there were just four things I needed Manny for.  Couch, boxspring and trundle to the apartment and their respective rooms and the mattress just upstairs because I had already gotten it inside.  Once that decision was made, I started figuring out what did I need Dustin’s truck for.  What wouldn’t fit in my car.  The kitchen chairs and a few other furniture pieces that I hadn’t yet brought over.  By that point it was nearly 10pm and I wanted to get Dustin’s truck back to him.  So I made sure the things I needed help moving were ready to go and that the places they were going to were cleared out.  I put on a skirt and after swinging by a gas station, went to the bar and gave Dustin his keys back.  It was a little after 11 and I expected Manny and Jimmy between midnight and 1.  I figured either I’d bum a ride home with someone at the bar, ask Manny to come down and pick me up, or else I’ll just walk home.  Its less than a mile and with school out of session, there’s really no danger in walking alone.  Russ called a little after 1 and said they had just left Buffalo.  Okay, so they ran over by quite a bit, but it really wasn’t a big deal.  I waited a little while and then started walking home.

I was about 1/3 of the way home and I got another call.  It was Manny, asking if I wanted a ride.  I said if he wanted, but that I had already left the bar and it might be harder to explain where I am.  I thought he and Jimmy were at my apartment.  Then he says,  Well, what if I could find you?  I kind of laughed and said Okay, you can try.  He answered, "Look right" and there he was in the van laughing at me.  He had dropped off Russ and was driving back to my place when Jimmy saw me.  Manny said if Jimmy hadn’t pointed me out, he never would have seen me.  The van was empty, which struck me as odd, but whatever.  I asked the boys what time they needed to leave tomorrow, saying if they wanted to wait, they could sleep in and help me move when I got back from church.  At this point, I mentioned it was only four things.  It was more because I could tell how exhausted they were and I felt bad for them.  But they groaned and told me they were getting up at 6am to go back to Buffalo to finish shooting.  Hence the empty van.  They were able to leave most of the stuff up there.  My heart started to sink as I thought they would be too exhausted to help tonight and then I would really be screwed.  But Manny asked why we couldn’t move it tonight and I said we could I was just thinking of their sleep.  He said as long as its only four things, and I confirmed that.  Four things specifically from point A to point B.  Nothing more.  Since the van was empty, we were able to put the couch, the boxspring and the trundle all into the back and then carry them into the apartment.  After carefully maneuvering and balancing all day long, it was such a difference to have someone else helping out, carrying the weight.  It went so much faster with someone helping.

But of couse, Manny wanted to sit up and show me what they had shot, which granted was pretty sweet.  But I really liked the photos Jimmy shot.  I noticed the camera was Nikon 😉 but I was too tired and clueless to know what type.  But it was a Nikon!  So eventually Manny curled up on the couch cushions and went to sleep.  I offered him a blanket, but he didn’t want it.  I tried to tell him he should take it, but he wouldn’t, so I gave up.  I took a shower because I felt so gross and by the time I came out, he was snoring away.  I dried off and got the air mattress pumped up and pulled the blanket up.  I’ve never thought about it much because my father doesn’t snore that badly, but oh my.  I’m pretty sure I couldn’t marry and sleep next to someone who snores like that.  My dad snores a little, more when he’s been drinking beer.  But nothing like that.  It gets inside my head and rattles around.  No joke.  So I didn’t sleep particularly well.  Then once I did get to sleep, the temperature dropped (like I knew it would) and he started this odd snore shiver thing.  I’m pretty sure his teeth were rattling.  For whatever reason, that is just not a reaction my body has when its cold.  He shivers and moans and rattles.  Anyways – that woke me back up and enough to the point were I put my glasses back on and was going to give him my warm blanket and I’d take the other blanket I’d tried to give him before.  But I saw he did have it, so I turned the fan off and shut the window a bit.  I really didn’t want to hear how cold he was because my hair was still wet, so I was cold too.  The not sleeping made me cranky.  So I went to church this morning with about 4 hours of sleep since Friday and not very good 4 hours.  I took a nap before writing this up, and my grumpiness has lessened.  Last night it took such willp

ower and force not to start a fight with Manny.  Its not that I wanted to fight.  I was just beyond exhausted and so was he.  For us, that is the powderkeg for a fight.  At one point, he brought up his parents and how I never got to know them.  This is a sore point for both of us.  He’ll always be upset that I couldn’t get close to his family.  I’ll always be mad that he kept forcing them on me.  For me, meeting the parents has always been a big deal.  Its not something to do lightly.  His response that has always been, I met yours!  Well, I never asked him to meet mine.  I would have been pretty okay with him not meeting my parents for a while.  Perhaps ever.  Then he starts pulling out specific examples of when we were dating and me not wanting to meet his parents.  And I say how I can’t understand how scary that is to me. And he say….. Clearly, this is a fight we’ve had a few times.  I’m not sure it will ever be resolved.  So I had to willfully just end that topic.

Ahh!!  Blue sky again!  I must return to the packing…..

 
Baby I been up since dawn
I couldn’t lie there and listen to you breathe
Couldn’t listen to the rattle and whistle
Working these days through you and me
Your snore scratching the air, like a discourteous bear
Your fangs and your fur are easier to learn
But I could not lie there

Later I walked the city with you
When I am old I’ll remember the city
I will remember you too
I’ll remember you how I found you, simply sitting down to you
Tell me what to do, tell me what to do
It’s hard to learn

I stayed up writing a letter about my only recurring dream
The one where my guitar melts when I sing
And my fingers just sink in the strings
I write my sadness and I erase
I don’t want to worry you babe
I will put my arms around you
I won’t leave you how I found you
Your snore scratching the air
The girl before, that discourteous bear
Your fangs and your fur are easier to learn.

Fangs and Fur ~ Jenn Lindsay