Struggle

Drag the knife across the stone
Scratches like my life against the world does
Sharp and gleaming with deadly intent
The knife wants to kill
And I must hold it back
Suicide is not the thought
It slides effortlessly over my arm
I can still feel, for it hurts,
As blood beads on my arm.
Somewhere pressure releases.
Through this little incision
Leaks fears and expectations.
My hand pulls back
And the knife lunges again
Another release, another mark
The knife is in control
My hand simply a puppet
Each mark releases the air
of expectation and disappointment from my soul
Before I can regain control
A star carved out
And the question that
Forever haunts my dreams.
It screams from my soul
Now pushed violently to my skin
And written in blood
Why?