stealing the life of mine

The other shoe has dropped. Remember the new roommate, the one from England who was going to save my life? The one who was going to get me out of the hellhole that I’m in? He’s a con artist, a fraud. He sent me a cashier’s check for rent and then told me to send the rest via Western Union to his shipper in England. A lot of it didn’t make sense, but I talked to my dad about it and he said to just go ahead with it. I deposited the check and waited for it to clear. The bank claimed it cleared, so I withdrew the excess and sent as instructed. Except Western Union was smart and smelled something fishy. So they double checked everything, cause they are smart business people types. And they discovered the cashier’s check was a fraud and stopped the transaction. They called my house number (which was the contact I had given them) and spoke with my parents who called me. I won’t lose any money. I have to go to a Western Union tomorrow and get my money back, then go to my bank and deposit it back into my account. The check will bounce but I won’t lose anything.

Except my new roommate. I’m not sure which I’m more upset about, the fraud as money, or the fraud as hope. He was supposed to be my salvation from the hell I was living in. He was supposed to be my way out. While my parents were talking to me, I felt all the stress I had about that apartment come crashing down on top of me. I’m dizzy.

I’m sitting on this bed and I’m dizzy, sick with worry and stress. Ok, I’m the victim of a fraud. I’m very thankful I didn’t lose money or my identity or anything like that. With all I do online it was bound to happen eventually. But what he stole from me was hope. I thought things were going to work out. I thought things were going to be ok. (I thought fucking cashier’s checks were as close to cash as you could get.) I’m back to square one. I’m back to my dad wanting to sue Jenn and Mel, or at least slap Mel a sharp one across the face. I was looking forward to the semester. I was looking forward to being normal and being left alone. Now my hopes are resting in the fact that my landlords will let me live alone or somehow get me out of the lease. My hopes are resting in Tracy being able to convince them I absolutly can not stay in that apartment. My hopes are resting in another miracle.

I gotta say, my faith in people is shaken. If I wasn’t cynical enough before, I am now. I feel like I’ve been betrayed, abandoned.

FUCK! What am I going to do?

Here I stand
Helpless and left for dead.
Close your eyes
So many days go by.
Easy to find what’s wrong
Harder to find what’s right.

I believe in you
I can show you
That I can see right
Through all your empty lies.
I won’t stay long
In this world so wrong.

Say goodbye
As we dance with the devil tonight.
Don’t you dare look at him in the eye,
As we dance with the devil tonight.

Trembling,
Crawling across my skin.
Feeling your cold dead eyes,
Stealing the life of mine.

I believe in you
I can show you
That I can see right through
All your empty lies.

I won’t last long
In this world so wrong.

Say goodbye
As we dance with the devil tonight.
Don’t you dare look at him in the eye,
As we dance with the devil tonight.

Hold on. Hold on.

Say goodbye
As we dance with the devil tonight.
Don’t you dare look at him in the eye,
As we dance with the devil tonight.

Hold on. Hold on.

Goodbye.

Dance with the Devil ~ Breaking Benjamin