sometimes I get dark

Random things about me

I love stand-up comedy. And I don’t mean some poor pathetic guy telling knock-knock jokes, but a good comedian who kills with a stool and a mike. I think good comedians are bright and quick. I love listening to Robin Williams, Ron White, Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy and most any one you can find on Comedy Center late at night.

I love a good cup of coffee. Sometimes I’ll get a good cup from Dunkin, but its not always. The best coffee came from my friend’s house. I don’t know what it was, the water, the coffee, the person who made it, I haven’t figured it out. But they always had the best coffee in the world.

I love that feeling you get when someone is glad to see you. I love the smile and the excitement on their face when they see you. It makes me feel so great to know that someone is excited about me being in the same place at the same time they are.

I feel weird being places that I have no connection to, like I’m an outsider invading a private moment. Scotland is a connection to me. I love being there and traveling and exploring. But I feel out of place when we’re in England because I don’t feel as connected. I’ve never been the mainland Europe, but I have little connections (except in Germany) to it. I am not Italian and I don’t have Italians in my family. Going to Italy would make me feel like I’m invading someplace that doesn’t belong to me, its a place where I don’t have the birthright to be. Its an odd thing I suppose, but its there for me all the same. I’ve taken to watching Notre Dame football on Saturday afternoons, but I almost feel like I’m invading someone else’s game. I do have a friend who goes to ND, but beyond that I have no connection to the school. I feel like I don’t belong watching them and cheering them on, as if I have no right to be here.

I am a Yankees fan, but I think most of them are big-headed egotisical jerks. I’ve grown up in New York in a household that cheered on the Yankees. Although we are not as hardcore as other fans, this has always been a Yankee house. It would be almost pure betrayal to cheer for another team. Even so, in the World Series, I’ve always cheered for game that will keep the games going. I’d rather see the Yankees lose and have another game, than see the Yankees win and end the season.

I hate falling in love. It usually comes at the most inconvienent time and ruins plans so carefully laid. When I do start falling in love, I fight it every step of the way. Although it may be inevitable, I fight like a wildcat and kick and scream on my way down. Even when its obvious that I am in love, I’ll deny it. Everyone talks about how wonderful it is, but love terrifies me. Love opens you up to being hurt, and being hurt in ways that are rarely fixed with a kiss and an apology. Those hurts take months even years to get over.

I have an odd love/hate relationship with the military. I wish that there was no need for the military. I wish that there was no need for war. But I don’t live in a perfect world and there is military and there is war. I would never want my husband, my son, my brother or anyone I love going into the military and away to war. I’m already had the enjoyment of dealing with that. But that aside, I am so deeply proud of anyone who does serve. Its something I would never want to do, but its because I know how hard it is.

You think you know me
Word on the street is that you do
You want my history
What others tell you won’t be true

I walked a thousand miles while everyone was asleep
Nobody’s really seen my million subtleties

Got stains on my t-shirt and I’m the biggest flirt
Right now I’m solo, but that will be changing eventually, oh
Got bruises on my heart and sometimes I get dark
If you want my auto, want my autobiography
Baby, just ask me

I hear you talking
Well, it’s my turn now
I’m talking back
Look in my eyes
So you can see just where I’m at

I walked a thousand miles to find one river of peace
I walked a million more to find out what this shit means

Got stains on my t-shirt and I’m the biggest flirt
Right now I’m solo, but that will be changing eventually, oh
Got bruises on my heart and sometimes I get dark
If you want my auto, want my autobiography
Baby, just ask me

I’m a bad ass girl in this messed up world
I’m the sexy girl in this crazy world
I’m a simple girl in a complex world
A nasty girl, you wanna get with me?
You wanna mess with me?

Got stains on my t-shirt and I’m the biggest flirt
Right now I’m solo, but that will be changing eventually, oh
I laugh more than I cry
You piss me off, good-bye
Got bruises on my heart and sometimes I get dark
If you want my auto, want my autobiography
Baby, just ask me

Autobiography ~ Ashlee Simpson