so take your empty words

Twelve in12

Reading: The Game of Kings ~ Dorothy Dunnett

Finished: Mirror, Mirror ~ Gregory Macguire

I was really hoping this semester would be girl drama-free, but I was wrong. Shit finally hit the fan with me and Baboon Heather. There is a groundwork to the story though, as usual. Nothing with me and my life is ever simple.

I found out last week that Heather lied to my face. She told me in the beginning of the semester that she and Rob had kissed a few times, basically made out. I wasn’t all that shocked at the time, after seeing them together. She would hang all over him and he would on her. So I believed it, but told no one – it wasn’t their business. Besides that everyone in the school already thought they were an item. At one point, I heard her tell someone nothing had ever happened between her and Rob, not even a kiss. There were a good number of people around, so I didn’t call her on it. I figured she just didn’t want everyone to know. I was cool with that. But then I had Rob over for lunch last week. As a retort to something he said, I said something about him kissing Heather. He looked so shocked and flabbergasted! He told me it never ever happened. Nothing like it ever happened between the two of them. As Heather has already tended to exaggerate things to the point of nearly lying, I started to really question things she’s told me. After the opera on Sunday, Rob told me that he heard Heather was telling people they actually slept together. I can’t believe she’s saying that! I asked him if it was people saying that or if if was really her. He said the person who told him heard it straight from Heather. I was floored and I could tell he was pretty upset too. Later that night the opera conductor had a party at his house to celebrate the opera. Rob invited me to go with him, but I had to bring Becca back home, which was fine. I didn’t really want to go. Its a party for the people who worked the opera. I would feel out of place. I didn’t get back from Becca’s till late, so I went right to bed and ended up oversleeping. I didn’t check my computer or mail until Monday about noon. Rob had sent me an email about 1am, saying something happened at the party and if he could come over. I sent him a message back and told him I was sorry I hadn’t been around. I didn’t get to talk to him until tonight. But Heather immed me shortly after I hooked up my computer. We had a little small talk and she invited me out to dinner with her and Boris. I don’t particularly like Boris because, well he doesn’t seem to particularly like me. Which is fine, but I don’t have a great desire to go to dinner with him. I also have two huge exams this week. She started talking about the opera party and mentioned that Rob went psycho. I still hadn’t heard anyone’s version of what happened, so I asked what happened. I didn’t mention Rob’s email. She told me this story which didn’t make sense to me and clearly left out some important events. She claimed Rob locked a girl in a closet, then made the girl wander around the town by herself. None of that made sense, but she wouldn’t elaborate. Then she said when she went to talk to the conductor, Rob started following her and insisting they talk. So she tried to get her coat and leave. She claimed Rob grabbed her arm and twisted it, refusing to let go. Then he dragged her across the room, pushed her and started screaming at her, finally shoving her to the ground. Now I know Rob was angry, but none of that sounded right. It also didn’t sound right to me that no one stepped in to intervene. I know who was at the party. There were plenty of guys, good guys, and girls, who would have stepped in and stopped Rob. When I asked why didn’t anyone help her, she said they were all frozen in fear and shock. I’m sorry. That’s bullshit. First of all, Rob isn’t that big. He’s tall but he’s a twig. Even mad, I wouldn’t be scared of him. Second there are plenty of people who I know were at the party who wouldn’t have been afraid to get in Rob’s face to calm him down. Heather said that she was so scared she didn’t sleep and someone had to follow her home. I can understand being shaken. But seriously, Rob is not going to stalk her. And if he was, she should have called the cops. The other thing that bothered me about her story is her role in it. I’ve seen her get up in someone’s face, she’s not a scared little kid. I don’t know why she didn’t knee him in the balls, or smack him or kick him or bite him. Someone touches me, they are going down. When the whole Mel thing was going on, Dustin said in a fight, he would put his money on me – the cornered defensive bear. He said it was probably a good thing Mel never tried to touch me. Anyways, Heather’s story just didn’t make sense to me. And then she brought up the rumor about him and her sleeping together. She was like “I have morals and standards.” This coming from the girl who had an affair with a married man. I lost it. I just completely lost it. I told her Rob had a right to be pissed and tried to explain why. Supposedly, she told only Rob and I about the married man situation. Neither of us have told anyone, but somehow the entire school knows what happened, or has an idea. Then there’s the lie about her and Rob kissing. The next thing Rob hears is that she is telling people they slept together. I told her I wasn’t there, but at this point, I would be a little pissed at her too. She said she could give a damn what everyone thinks about her, (though she made a point to say that everyone believes her and thinks Rob is nuts). She didn’t want to hear it. She said she didn’t know why everyone was talking about her. I told her she was new to the school and interesting and dramatic. She balked at that. I just didn’t care. I was so annoyed with her. She was getting upset and desperate, I could tell. Finally she claimed she had to go. I was so annoyed. I’m so annoyed with her the-world-revolves-around-me attitude. She always has to be the center of whatever room she walks into. I commented in the beginning of the semester that she just made me tired and this is why.

She played in area that afternoon, but I was able to avoid her. The last thing I want is a showdown in the middle of the school. She had her minions around her, and they were shooting me dirty looks. I was started to get pissed at her dragging everyone into it. Then I started to become concerned that this would become a turf war, and I hate to admit it, but I was already siding with Rob. I finally got to talk to Rob after class. He told me a more detailed version of the evening. The closet girl is actually a girl he has been hanging out with. They did have a kiss, but he told her he just wasn’t into it. He thought she was a great friend and person, but really didn’t want anything else out of it. At the party, she was drunk and becamevery jealous everytime he talked to any of the girls. Finally they went into the bedroom where all the coats were to talk. She shut the door and locked it behind them, which raised the interest of everyone at the party. So they started banging and whatnot. So Rob went to open the door and the girl decided to hide in the closet. Everyone tumbled in, being silly and stupid. There was something about the viole player tackling the conductor, so there was a little madness before someone realized there was a girl in the closet. Somehow the closet door had locked her inside and she was a little freaked out. Rob said she was drunk and didn’t remember much really. Someone came up with the idea that Rob locked her in the closet, which was only amplified by her apparent anger at Rob. Rob said eventually she left and he thought that was the end. But then Heather came up to him and started screaming at him for letting closet girl wander the streets drunk and alone. He tried to explain but she started walking away and so he grabbed her wrist. She pulled away and started screaming more about rumors and all sorts of stuff. He just didn’t know what to do. He ended up walking home alone in the rain, and got really sick.

I think there’s fault on both sides of the table. But I also know that Heather is spreading this story and making Rob look bad. I told him what she told me and asked him if anyone saw what happened. He said that a lot of people did, so he wasn’t too concerned about that. But like me, he’s worried he’ll be alienated because of this. He is also somewhat overly concerned with what people say and think about him. I’m more concerned with Rudge siding with Heather and screwing me out of things. Rob told me Rudge thinks she is loud, abrasive and immature, especially after the incident at the party. He doesn’t particularly like her. I know that Rudge doesn’t really like anyone, but I do want his respect as a professional and a musician. That is one of the reasons I don’t go party with him. There are times when I am immature and stupid. But in rehearsal, in that context, I try to be professional. Rob said he understood and agreed with me. I don’t need Rudge’s love or friendship. There is a difference and a line between my professional life and my personal life. Some people cross back and forth between the two, but there is a line.

I’m still worried about tomorrow and chamber rehearsal. Heather has to work with Kelly and I. It would be very easy for her to try and screw with us. It also creates a situation where she could try to start an argument or a scene. I’m praying I can control my temper and just ignore her, or at least deal with it well.

There are things about her that annoy me, and I know I bitch about her. But generally, I do like her. Too much time with anyone makes me annoyed. She has also done things that annoy me. Things which I’d be glad to share with her and talk to her about. I care enough about her that I’d fight with her. But I will not do that in front of an audience. And I will not force her to fight it out with me. If she wants to write off the friendship, I’m fine with that. I haven’t let her in that far, although she thinks she knows me so damn well. I’ve never really trusted her and I think that has been a good thing.

Either way, tomorrow will be interesting!

Something isn’t right,
I can feel it again, feel it again.
This isn’t the first time,
That you left me waiting.
Sad excuses and false hopes high,
I saw this coming, still I don’t know why,
I let you in.

I knew it all along,
You’re so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong… (Something’s always wrong…)
So you don’t have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You’re so predictable… (So predictable…)

So take your empty words,
Your broken promises.
And all the time you stole,
Cause I am done with this.
I could give it away, give it away,
I’m doing everything I should’ve.
And now I’m making a change,
I’m living the day.
I’m giving back what you gave me.
I don’t need anything.

I knew it all along,
You’re so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong… (Something’s always wrong…)
So you don’t have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You’re so predictable… (So predictable…)

Now everywhere I go,
Everyone I meet,
Every time I try to fall in love,
They all want to know why I’m so broken.
Why am I so cold?
Why I’m so hard inside.
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?
I don’t even know, this story’s never had an end.
I’ve been waiting,
I’ve been searching,
I’ve been hoping,
I’ve been dreaming you would come back,
But I know the ending of this story.
You’re never coming back,
Never… Never… Never (echo)

I knew it all along,
You’re so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong… (Something’s always wrong…)
So you don’t have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You’re so predictable… (So predictable…)

Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,
Everyone I love, (So predictable)
Everyone I care about,
They’re all gonna want to know what’s wrong with me
And I know what it is…(So predictable)
I’m ending this right now

Predictable ~ Good Charlotte