searching for the future

So after my mother’s visit and my impending possibility of being homeless again, I’ve been crunching numbers hard to try and figure out how much I actually need to make to survive on my own.  I spent the whole day scouring my bank statements and figuring out on average how much I spend each month.  I went back nearly two years, carefully recording each outgoing dime.  Then I averaged it all together in 6 month chunks.  And that included even the rent my parents paid for.  Not gift cards, although if I had a way to track all that down, I would try it.  Anyways – I saw that on average, I’m spending less and less.  Although, I’m also making less and less.  Its not exactly balanced, because I definitely make a lot less than I spend, even if I count my parent’s contribution.  Granted, there are good months, like tax returns and gigs.  And I did overestimate my spending and underestimate my incomes.

BUT – the whole point of this…  I don’t need to make nearly as much as I thought I did!  I figured I’d never get a job that would actually being able to match my spending.  And that still may be true.  But when I crunched out numbers, it was way less than I thought.  Rather than thousands, its only hundreds.  The two major spending things I didn’t include would be my student loans (which are deferred at the moment) and a possible car loan, which would also raise my insurance.  Hopefully, a newer car would lower my gas a bit.  Although, if I have a daily job that might bump it back up.  One problem at a time.

I’m still absolutely freaked out about trying to find a job.  But I’m slightly less freaked out.  A balance isn’t nearly as far off as I think it is.  And seeing my eating habits (fast food, take out & Starbucks) all laid out individually make me a little sick.  So perhaps that is the motivation to stop eating like crap, which might also help my budget and belt and possibly the migraines.  I’m not holding my breath on the last one.

Although I do take pleasure in being closer to my guess on gas than my mother thought!

End of the story here?  I need at least 5 hour oboe lessons or 12 half hour piano lessons to make ends meet.  And my hourly wage for office or retail work isn’t nearly as high as I thought it would be.  You know, I might actually make it out here!

All at stake
Oh yea yea yea man
All at stake

Can’t give up it all depends on you
Can’t give up it all depends on you

I’m a renegade survivor
A new wage warrior
And I’m trottin da universe
Searching for the future

What is out there, I don’t know
But I’ve got to hide my fears
Danger lies along the way but my will to survive is there
Hunted by de evil ones
And I’m chased by my enemy
Like refugees and castaways
In an aslant environment

I’m a renegade survivor 
A new wage warrior 
And I’m trottin da universe 
Searching for the future 

No way now to call your friend
For survival is the key (Be careful)
Your mission is to find a way
And defeat them at their game
Hunted by de evil ones
And I’m chased by my enemy
Like refugees and castaways
In an aslant environment

I’m a renegade survivor 
A new wage warrior 
And I’m trottin da universe 
Searching for the future 

Can’t give up it all depends on you 
Can’t give up it all depends on you 

I’m a renegade survivor 
A new wage warrior 
And I’m trottin da universe 
Searching for the future 

Renegade Survivor ~ Wailing Souls