Risks and Rewards

Weekend of no sleep and being in a really bad mood. Not really sure why. I’m starting to believe that the highs I get from music help create the lows I get after its over. Which is scary considering how much I love music. It is affecting my decision about whether or not to go into music. How screwed up is my life. Things that I love and cherish are the things that fuck me over. Least Mike’s not blowing me off. And he was actually upset that I didn’t call. Not really upset or mad, but he wanted me to call and I didn’t. He called Monday night, but I had passed out around 630. And last night I figured it would be too late to call him cause he’d be asleep at 11. But my phone rang in my purse and I had to dig it out and it made me happy. He’ll probably only be around on Sun. I’m not sure if I’m happy or upset about that. The parties are Fri and Sat and I kinda want him there. But at the same time, he won’t know anyone there and I know most of them are going to treat him all weird and be stupid so maybe its better that he’s not there. But that weirdness is gonna have to happen at some point for them to all to meet each other. And I really want Settle and Manny to met him. I almost feel bad that I’ve only seen Manny once since he’s been home, but I’ve been really busy. Or sleeping. Sunday I went out with Kaba to see Shrek 2. Oh so adorable. I was so afraid it would be one of those horrible sequels done to cash in on a good thing. But there was a good story line and new jokes. There were some little jokes carries over from the first movie, but not such a big deal that you can’t understand the second movie. And I like Kaba, I really do. She and I just get along really well. I can be honest with her and tell her when she pisses me off, which isn’t that often. I’m still not real keen on the idea of the three of us living together, but I know Branden has no place else to go. I can’t be that mean.

I also am really scared about what I’m going to do about health insurance and car insurance and paying for rent and gas and everything else. I feel like my parents want me to take a risk and go to school. But I guess I see no end to that. To me that risk doesn’t balance out the reward. But moving out on my own and starving for a few days or not having health insurance for a few months, might really be good for me. In my mind, those risks balance out the reward. I’ll be independent. I’ll know that I can do it on my own. I guess school would do that to me too, but there are other risks with that. Risks that I’ve taken and I’ve failed at before.

I’m just rambling on and on and I have a huge pile of work to get through. Least I know I’m loved!!

Oh yeah, and I remember why schools are so damn annoying!
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. ~ Mark Twain